The Artsy Salesman

Ten Things I Miss About University: Part Four

2006-12-11T01:06:00.000-08:00

10. ummmm

9. riiiiiight

8. ya know... I can't seem to recall

7. uhhhh

6. hm hm hm

5. uhhhh yeeeea

4. alright then...

3. arrrr

2. hmmmmmmmmm

and the top thing I miss about University (drum roll, please!)

1. NOTHING!!!!!!!!

Hope finals are going well, suckers!

LOUD NOISES!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, I have moved into a new apartment with my super friend, Kathryn. So far things are going really great. The new place is bigger, cozier, and its just the two of us. It is the first time I have felt like I've lived in a "home" since I have moved out of my parents house. It is near perfect, except for the VERY LOUD UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR. It is bang-fest central up there.

So what could they be doing, you ask? I decided to do a little brainstorming myself

Bowling
Moving furniture
Nailing pictures on the wall
Jumping Jacks
Skipping rope
Gymnastics
Golfing
Floor Hockey

Or I guess they could just be walking reallllly realllly loudly on their heels. But it really does sound like a combination between bowling and moving furniture. It's freakin annoying!!!

Anyway, drop me a line, and I'll give you the address to my new place. We can have a glass of wine, and you can hear for yourself the LOUDNESS of the upstairs neighbors for yourself!

toxic

2006-11-21T00:49:00.002-08:00

Relationships are forever. Whether it is your best friend from kindergarten you lost tough with in highschool, your first boyfriend you broke up with in grade 10, or your most recent boyfriend that you broke it off with in May, they will always be a part of who you are. This was the lesson that I was destined to learn this particular Monday evening.

I played with Sexually Attracted to Fire tonight, and the guest artist was a local band from Saskatoon... who decided to pick up my ex-boyfriend as the pedal-steel guitar player. Awesome. I knew this was coming for weeks too, and I ignored it for as long as I could. But this morning I woke up preparing for the invitable, and sure enough it eventually came.

I was rude to Luke tonight when he first talked to me talked to me (which was also the last), but I couldn't help it. I had the defensive play down to a tee. I was sarcastic, cold, and it was obvious that I had a wall up. And rightfully so. I have nothing but respect for Luke as a musician, and I was ready to support that tonight, even though I went to Lydia's tonight feeling that he never seems to support me. He never comes to my shows, and he seems to diminish the fun that I have when he told me about his experience jamming with Satf. I was defensive for a reason... plus he broke my heart. And the night when on. He played, and then I got up on stage and we played a set. The saddest part of the night was that I was aware of his presence all night... I needed up to know where he was at all times. I couldn't help it.

And the second set came along. It was going really well, and then all of a sudden one of Luke's friends came and told me that I was blocking his car in Lydia's parking lot. This was in the middle of set... we weren't done playing yet, and it completley threw off my concentration. And I immidiatley thought that Luke sent her to do it, and didn't have the balls to do it himself... which pissed me off. And then the set ended... so I went to yell at Luke.

And by yell I mean ask what the deal was. It was such a double standard. I would never confromt him, let alone get a friend to confront him if he was in the middle of a set, or even just on stage. It is disrespectful. I told him that, and the girl that told me, and then I went and moved my van. I packed up my bass and then went outside... Luke was there. He wanted to talk to me about the whole thing... and apparently he never sent the girl to talk to me... even though that is how it looked to me. It ended up being a blowout. We hurt eachother on a few different levels, and maybe I got a few things out I wanted to say in awhile, but we left, and ended up finishing it on msn. It was horrible. There are no other words to express it.

My point? Relationships never end, especially ones that used to function on an intimate level. And why would it? It is simple really. You had feelings for the person in the first place, so even if it didn't work out there is always going to be that attraction, and that care for the person even if you did break up. This is why people want so much to get back together even after months of breaking up. That is how I felt tonight. Just talking to that person, or hearing about them can bring back all the memories of why you dated in the first place, and why you loved them. And then try playing a gig with them. Good luck. I wanted more than anything to be rational and cool tonight, but love never seems to be rational... even if it's been over for months. Some people will always be toxic to you.

And I know I will have found the "one" when they aren't toxic to my well-being. And by that I mean someone who IS NOT a complete, selfish jackass.

Moments Like These

2006-11-19T01:59:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile since I have been so touched by a song that tears flow out of my eyes like waterfalls. I mean I have cried a lot in my life while listening to music (and laughed too), but not because of the pure beauty of the music. Lately when I get emotional while listening to music it's because I was already feeling emotional that day and I would purposley pick music to fit my mood. It is incredibly special when a song can make you bring out emotions that you didn't even know where there. This happened to me recently and I want to share that song with you.

I was lying on my couch watching CMT on lazy afternoon. Yes, that is right, the country music channel. I'm enjoying the music that is playing, and I'm also reading. All of a sudden this beautiful piano line comes in. Just piano. Completley vulnerable, exposed, and naked. I check out who the song is by, sit up, and close shut my eyes. And then like a wave it hit me. I crumpled over and just started to cry. The simplicity of the song was so beautiful, the melody and the lyrics complimented it, and the voice. Jim Cuddy.

As I sit and cry, I begin to cry harder as a muted trumpet solo starts up. The special tingles and shivers explore my body as I take it all in. It is great because of the great instrumentation (trumpet, string arrangement, piano, guitar, bass, and brushes on the snare), but also because of the pure and honest nature of the song. And then it's over. And I shut of the tv, and I just sit. Experiences like that don't happen very often. It is because of this that makes moments like that so special, and makes music so sacred.

Maybe the song won't have the same effect to you as it did for me. But if you want to experience a really well written song, check out Pull me through by Jim Cuddy. Jim Cuddy is the lead singer of Blue Rodeo, and a talented song writer, as he proves with this song.

It is truly beautiful.

Cute Boy

2006-11-15T00:49:00.000-08:00

Oh, Cute boy from Calgary why won't you come visit me!

It is true, I am still hung up on the same guy from Calgary I was like two months ago (refer to some post about slutty musicians). I never thought that things could get so complicated with someone who lives in a different province, but it really has. It's become its own little relationship, except with no boundries, no commitments, and I can't see him easily.

And it's not like we havn't tried. I was supposed to be there in like a week for a show with Theresa. He was going to get to come see me play, and I was going to go with him to his show after. Then he was also supposed to be in Saskatoon on New Years for a show, and it ended up falling through. We were both pretty dissapointed about it, or at least I was. And now he's supposed to be in Regina on the 15th and 16th of December, but that might fall through now too. And then there's always the talk of him coming to Saskatoon... which never seems to work out.

It never really seems to work out though. And we havn't gotten a whole lot of time to talk lately, although it still feels like there is some sort of relationship developing. It's rather confusing actually. Every time I'm even attracted to someone, or would consider a hookup or something dumb like that I think of him. I have no idea if he sleeps with other girls, and I have no idea what he really thinks of this "relationship". All I know is that he genuinley likes me, and I feel the same about him, but neither of us are willing to hop a train to eachothers respectives cities either. I almost think its out of our hands now.

Anyway, I've found the cure to my sleepness nights. If you are having trouble with the same thing, ask and I shall tell... but it rhymes with marijuana... uhhh I mean Ouija board. Time for bed!

song of the day: Boston- Augustana

Boys Will Be Boys

2006-11-14T01:14:00.000-08:00

Another night at Lydia's has past, and tonight was especially a fun one. It was a Sexually Attracted to Fire night (just like every Monday), and we seemed to have a descent crowd. It is a really fun band to play in, and we have known to get some people up on the dance floor at times. It is also a really good gig because we bring in a guest artist every Monday to play a few sets. Tonight we had a guy from Calgary who I will call "Ant" play for us. And I want to tell you a rather humorous story about the evening.

Anyway, I had never heard of this guy before, and he was pretty awesome when he got on stage. Just him and his guitar, and this beautiful, strong voice. I was totally into it. He played great originals, and some really great cover songs that he made his own. He was also extremley funny, and had a very good vibe onstage. Overall I was very impressed.

And I finally got to meet the guy. He was charming, and actually very beautiful, which I hadn't really realized when he was onstage. I told him I liked the music, and then I had to go play a set with Sexually Attracted to Fire. I played, it was good, and then we finally finished I started to pack up my gear. And he approached me. He said he liked the set, and I told him I wanted to buy a CD, and I did.

He was just so nice. He started asking me how long I had been playing bass and about how I got started in music, and I asked him the same things. The entire time I was talking to him I just couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful he was, and how talented he was. Turns out he is 20, just like me, and piano was both of our first instruments. Then Shawn, the entertainment manager at Lydia's approaches him and gives him his number, and tells him to contact him for a weekend show at Lydia's. "Ant" then turns to me and asks me if I would be willing to play bass for him if he brought down a few musicians from Calgary for a show. He gets my number, and all is really going well and then one of the female bartenders walks up to the table to get some empty glasses.

He then hands her a cd for free, after I just had paid for one, and then tells her to sit down and starts talking to her. I think he was just being friendly, because he was that way with everyone tonight which is very cool, but I found it pretty amusing. But the moral of the story is that boys have such a one-track mind, even when they have just been talking business.

Hope my story made you chuckle!

New Apartment, Very New Beginning

2006-11-05T01:26:00.000-08:00

Kathryn and I just moved into a new apartment. It is a really awesome place, but the insomnia continues! I don't feel stressed out on a concious level, but my body is telling me I'm stressed. My back is really sore and I can feel the tension. I also am breaking out in hives on my arms. Then there, of course, is the problem of trying to fall asleep at night. There is a reason why I'm in my room with several candles lit, typing away at my computer at 3:30 in the morning. It's not that I have a shitty life, or that I feel like complaning. I love my life and I am truly blessed with many people that love me. It's just sometimes things don't go as planned.

I guess one of the main reasons why I am still awake is that I quit the Theresa gig a few days ago, so I will not be playing with her on her Canadian tour... which only turned out to be eight dates. Unfortunatley for her, the rest of her band decided to quit as well. We were promised two months of solid touring around Canada and even a few dates in the States, and we ended up with two weeks of touring. Four of these dates then got cancelled. I quit a job to go on tour, and I turned down a lot of dates in November in Saskatoon that I could have been playing. I had planned to be gone for two solid months. I was excited about it, and it didn't turn out the way I had hoped and I guess I am feeling a little disapointed.

Disapointment is such a wierd thing to deal with. It feels heavier than other emotions. Like anger, for instance, where you can just swear or hit something and the anger seems to leave, even just for a second. Disapointment is a weight that stays there. I know the Theresa thing could have been a huge opportunity for me, but I also don't want to look like I can be walked all over. I have to believe in my decision even though I have some doubt about the decision I made. But I need to trust myself on this one, because the bottom line is that I don't want to be a door mat, and I need to pay the bills.

Now the future is wide open. I can gig in Saskatoon, and I am hoping that I can be hired at Lydia's to work some shifts to help make life a little easier for myself. I have this great apartment right now with one of my best friends, and we have made it our own. Maybe school in a few years, or maybe Theresa will call me again. I am a little freaked out about the future right now, but I also believe that there is beauty in the unknown.

Anything can happen.

Shit Day Playlist

2006-10-26T01:46:00.000-07:00

Today was just one of those days that really couldn't seem to end soon enough. Unfortunatley, I got a late start to this day (try 4:30 in the afternoon), and it still doesn't seem to want to end (not tired, can't fall asleep). I just feel like I am smothered, and because of it I can't find the words how to express what I am feeling... even though that is exactly what I need to do. And because I can't do it, I will give you this instead:

Playlist For A Shitty Day:

Wonderwall- Ryan Adams
Motion Picture Soundtrack- Radiohead
St. Patrick's Day- John Mayer
Non-Believer- Joel Plaskett
Come Pick Me Up- Ryan Adams
In The Waiting Line- Zero 7
Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap
Talk Show Host- Radiohead
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room- John Mayer
House Where Nobody Lives- Tom Waits
The Briar and the Rose- Holly Cole
Political Scientist- Ryan Adams
Something So Sweet- Suzie Vinnick
Not Myself- John Mayer
Can't Help Falling In Love With You- Bob Dylan
To Be Alone With You- Sufjan Stevens
Nightbirds- Ryan Adams
Departure Bay- Diana Krall

Coming Soon:

"Playlist for When the Shit Hits the Fan"

Stupid Slutty Musicians

2006-10-20T01:46:00.000-07:00

Beck said it best:

"I think I'm in love but it makes me kind of nervous to say so".

I think we have definatley all felt this way one time or another. Lately I seem to feel it a little too often. It's not that I'm some boy crazy maniac, but it seems that lately I have been looking for a relationship more than I have been say... oh, two weeks ago. I don't really understand what's in me that changed, because two weeks ago I would have said that I wasn't even interested in a relationship, even if there was someone there to start it with.

And there isn't really even one to start something with. The boy that I am finding myself attracted to is someone that I would find attractive. He is confident, and he's a bass player. But this isn't someone I would ever consider dating. He's a typical musician slut, and the first night that I saw him at Lydia's when he was playing on a Friday night. He was sitting with a woman at the bar that I was sure he would be taking home that night. I just watched him, and hung out with my friends after-hours, and he eventually left... same time as me, but with someone. I went home.

But I acutally met him the next night when a friend introduced us. I was really cold to him though. I assumed that he was a typical rockstar slut like so many of my male musician friends are, and I didn't want anything to do with him. He asked me to play a game of pool though, and even though I was rude the entire time we ended up hanging out afterwards. Nothing really happened, even though he tried. But we did visit, and we did connect, and I ended up leaving him the next morning before he woke up. I did leave my number though, and I didn't think anything of it. I chalked it up to a fun night with a new bass player friend Calgary.

I never expected that he would call me, but the weekend that I spent with Jeff in Regina, he did. I was sitting on Jeff's couch watching a Prince video. It was wierd because I didn't know who it was, but when he told me I didn't believe him. We talked for about ten minutes, and then we exchanged email addresses.

And now I am sitting here on a Thursday night at 3:00 a.m. in the morning waiting for a message, because that is what we do. We have been talking on the computer every morning, and almost every night. Pretty lame, but we had a connection when he was in Saskatoon with his band, and it has seemed to transferred over to an internet connection... the only connection that one can have easily between Saskatoon and Calgary. It seems to have even become more than that though.

The other night we were talking, and the conversation led him to tell me that he liked me. So he likes me. Great, right? Wrong. It is wrong because he is in Calgary and now we have Teegan, queen of being single and independant, thinking about some stupid bass player slut in Calgary. Somehow he has managed to become something so much more than a sort of one night thing that I talk to occasionally online about bass amps and bass guitars. He has become someone who I have shared recordings of my music with, and personal things with. I think about dating and how we would even try to make it work. We get along, and there is definatley a mutual attraction, who could blame me?

But I'm sure he's a slut. I know that sounds horrible, but I know so many of them and I can read them like a book, because so many of my guy friends are exactly that. I see musicians in Saskatoon even just on a dance floor, and the way the treat women and the way they can pass the ones that are willing around back and forth between them all. I see the way that they eye-fuck every woman who is dancing from the stage when they are playing their instrument. And I've seen them at the after-parties, where they invite girls up to the band room to drink as much alcohol as quick as possible as they all decide which girl they want to take to their bedroom. I hate these girls, as much as I feel sorry for them.

I have always been proud of the fact that all my skanky musician guy friends respect me. They would never even think of trying to take me home, even if they wanted to because they know that I am not like that. They tell me I look good, that I'm talented and they stay far away. They aren't interested in a "girl like me", and I'm not interested in someone who sleeps around all the time like they do. But somehow I wonder if I have become one of those girls, even just a little bit, because even though our contact is limited, I think i'm sort of, maybe a little bit, just kinda falling for this guy in Calgary.

But I know I can't. I know his type, and he's given me proof of his type in the form of a song. A song that he wrote. It is actually a very, VERY beautiful song. I listened to it and it made me like him more, until I heard a particular line in his song. It felt like I was slapped in the face, and it snapped me back to reality. A reality where I remember that I am not some random girl that you met at one of your shows. A reality where I am not the girl you take home that was on the dance floor one night watching you. One simple line in his song that revealed so much:

"Could she be perfect for only one night"

If he really wants me he'll get in a car, a plane, or a bus to see me, because I am not a one night type of girl.

And I just got a message from him.

Real Life Education

2006-10-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

Apparently if I was still in school I would be in the middle of midterms. I would be handing in a lot of essays, studying my brain out, and then trying to regurgitate everything that I learned onto a piece of paper. It would eventually get graded and handed back to me by the time finals were starting. I don't really miss this at all, but in a lot of ways I still like I'm being tested every single day.

For starters, my living arrangements are not very good right now. My patience is being tried every single day by a tennant downstairs, and also by my roommate, Brett. He has a new girlfriend who is here all the time, and therefore making small house crowded with four, instead of just three. It seems they sometimes also don't do their dishes. They also enjoy having two hour long showers together. We have one bathroom. Luckily, Kathryn and I are getting out of here as soon as we can... as in 10 days.

I have also been planning my life around a certain tour that I have just got dates for TODAY. I was supposed to be gone all October, but that feel through... I barely got by this month. I will be gone in November though... but for two weeks. This will be a huge test for me in a lot of different ways. Musically, it will be a good experience. But I think its going to be a huge party too, an exhausting party where a lot of travelling is involved.

Another thing that is also frusterating about the tour is I have no idea where the tour is. I know the first four dates. We are opening up for Teddy Geiger. But I have no idea when any of the rest of the tour is. And packing is going to suck.

And as far as Monday nights go, there will be no more Monday night education. I don't need to wait around for anybody. Steve is a great friend, but thats as far as its ever going to get. This test is done. I'd say that I passed.

Monday Night Education

2006-10-10T01:53:00.000-07:00

I think I need to switch the name of my blog to "Teegan's Late Night Thoughts". It seems the only time that I ever have inspiration to write is after a night at Lydia's, or after a gig. Tonight (and last night) it was at both.

I have been playing at Lydia's a lot lately. I play with my own jazz band every Sunday night, and I also became a part of a rock/pop/country group that plays every Monday night. The guys in the band are Mark, Steve, and Bray, and we all get along great. It is really fun, and really different from most of my other experiences in music, which is usually jazz music. It is a Monday night education in a few genres of music, and it is fun.

Monday nights are amazing, except for one small thing. I am in love with one of the guys in the band, Steve. What is even worse about it is that I know Steve's in love with me too. This would be a really great thing, except he has a girlfriend. She lives in Meadow Lake.

This wouldn't be a problem if Steve and I didn't have this chemistry, but we do. We have this chemistry that I have never experienced with any other person. When we are together, noone else is around, and we end up in our own little world. We will sit and laugh and talk and laugh some more. We are attracted to eachother, and it doesn't just translate in everyday conversation.

It shows when we are onstage. He leans into me when he plays, and I lean into him. I close my eyes when I play and when I open them he is smiling at me. I make fun of him right before he sings so he screws up, and he makes fun of me when I mess up the chords... which is pretty much all the time.

And every week I have to pretend like it doesn't happen. I have to be "professional". I have to turn a blind eye to what is happening, even though there is something between us that noone else will ever be a part of, even his girlfriend. I can meet a wonderful guy and be totally crazy about him, like I was this weekend, and have him be completley erased from my memory on Monday night all because of the chemistry between Steve and I.

I come home on Monday night at two in the morning. I wash my face and brush my teeth. I lay down in my bed and think of the night I just had. I look at the clock, and soon its 3 am. I close my eyes. I think of Steve, and I think of this chemistry.

Steve gets home on a Monday night. He is tired, and has to work early, but he thinks of the night. He thinks of the music, and how it was played. Then he thinks of the girl who stood next to him all night smiling at him. He thinks of how much fun he had with her and how much fun he loves spending time with her. He thinks of me, but then he remembers that he has a girlfriend in Meadow Lake.

And the the cycle repeats itself every Monday, but I can't say anything. I have to be professional, and this is my Monday night education.

Top Ten Ways to Deal with Disappointment

2006-10-09T01:30:00.000-07:00

10. Talk to a friend.
Yes, this is great until you realize that they really don't care and don't feel like talking to you about why you are, in fact, feeling disapointed. I'm not saying I have a careless friend, I'm just saying she was tired and I had bad timing.

9. Overanalyze everything until it finally makes sense.
This seems like its a sure thing, right? WRONG. Overanalyzing just makes things way more confusing in your head until you just keep overanalyzing and you think its this way but it could actually be the other way but it could also be because of something else that you had no idea was going on... yea. I'm more confused than I was before too.

8. Eat.
Go to McDonald's. Eat a McChicken burger with a super size fries with extra McChicken sauce. You will completley forget why you were disapointed and now be upset that you are going to get fat.

7. Try to find yourself some comfort by relating to the lyrics of a John Mayer song.
"You can cross the line whenever you'd like/I'm calling it love soon". Yea, thats right. He'll come around, just like John Mayer said... he's just too chicken shit to cross the line. He'll cross the line and ask for my phone number when he's ready. Riiiiight.....

6. Work out.
You just ate a McChicken burger, a supersize fries, and half a pound of McChicken sauce.

5. Sleep.
We all know that sleep is a really good way of covering up any type of emotion. I have no smart comments about this... we sleep to dream, and we dream to escape.

4. Get all dressed up and go out.
This is a great idea. At least until you notice the person who disapointed you in the first place is in the same room. What started as a "I feel really good about myself right now" type of night quickly will turn into a "I wonder if he noticed me yet" and "Why is he talking to that girl over there... oh no. They are dating aren't they!". Yes, human beings can really be this pathetic.

3. Make up a list of horrible excuses in your head about why he hasn't asked you out yet such as "maybe he just doesn't want to ruin the friendship, "maybe he wants to take things slow", and my personal favorite, "maybe he's just intimidated by me".
Excuses are a great way of avoiding reality.

2. Read the book "He's just not that into you"
This will get the excuses out of your head and help yourself realize that "he's just not that into you" or he would have asked you out already.

And the number one way to deal with disappointment is....

1. Write a blog at 3 a.m. that noone will read.

Ipods rock

2006-10-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I am doing this again. I supposed that I am so bored right now that anything will be entertaining. But, lets face it. Ipods are pretty high tech, and apparently have magic eight ball like properties to them. Silly, yes, but it is definatley going to entertain me for about 12 minutes, and lets face it, I need the entertainment. Anyway, the drill is put on the ipod playlist, and let it magically awnser these questions without any cheating... which is why they never make sense. Fun, right? No... not really.

1. What's my mood like right now? Here, There and Everywhere- The Beatles
Actually, my mood isn't here, or there... or everywhere. It's just plain shitty. I am in my dark room by myself on a Friday night. I don't really feel like going out, but I don't feel like being home either. I don't feel like doing anything except sitting here and just feeling shitty.

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me? The Way We Get By- Spoon
Yea, I am barely getting by right now. I'm supposed to be touring Canada but it got delayed for a month so I am currently unemployed and looking for a new place to live because I put in my notice because I didn't think I'd even be here! Barely getting by... could explain my "here, there and everywhere" type of mood

3. What kind of person am I? Storm In A Teacup- Red Hot Chilli Peppers
I'll let you decide what that means.

4. Am I loved? Lonely Lonely- Feist
I will take that as a yes. I am loved. And I might be a little lonely, but aren't we all?

5. How can I achieve my highest potential? Whatever It Takes- Ron Sexsmith
That's a little bit of a coincidence! Do whatever it takes... thats some pretty sweet advice. Awww I love Ron Sexsmith. He has the word "sex" in his name!

6. What should I do with my life? It Never Entered My Mind- Holly Cole
"What should I do with my life?" seems to be a question that enters peoples mind way too early. Yea, its good to think about the future but I think that young adults coming out of highschool forget that they are only 18 years old. They have their entire life to think about what they want to be when they grow up. They need to work a shit job for a year, travel maybe, and just stop to smell the flowers.

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end? Surely (I Love You)- Colin James and the Lil' Big Band
Well you heard what the man said! "Surely!"

8. What is my best quality? Some King of Wonderful- Joss Stone
Okay, I might have cheated one song over on this one, but the other song that came up first was "Gosli" by Sigur Ros... and thats in Norwiegan or something and that doesn't cound because nobody knows what that means! Besides, we all know I'm wonderful... and we didn't need an ipod to tell us that!

9. How does my sex life look? Weight- Sarah Slean
Yes... I will wait, and it will be worth it!

10. What's the meaning of life? Love- Prince
I actually do think that is the meaning of life. Nobody knows for sure what really happens when we die. It is the relationships in our life that truly are the reason why we live. Parents, friends, lovers... love makes the ride worthwhile.

11. What do people think of me? Don't need an ipod to awnser this one! I don't give a fuck what people think of me. I don't have time in my life for people who think badly of me or judge me, and neither should you!

12. Would I make a good catch? Only Heart- John Mayer
"Yea You... You got my only heart". Yup. I'd be a good catch... if you are the person I'm supposed to marry. I'm not saying that there is one soul mate for everybody (there was a Sex and the City episode about this) but you can't just put two random people together and have it work. As far as I know, I havn't met the person I'm supposed to marry yet. Or maybe I have. It doesn't really matter though either way. I am not ready for marriage anytime soon anyway.

13. How crazy am I? Dance All Night- Ryan Adams and the Cardinals
This sounds familiar... like say Ness Creek Music Festival? One of the craziest nights there (which was all three nights) was the night we went to the chill tent... it was a dj tent where people could just go to dance after the bands ended at 2:30. My friends and I passed around a tequila bottle and danced until 8 a.m. the next morning. I ended up passing out around then, and had to get carried to my tent by my awesome friends. All I have to say was it was the best weekend of summer and I can't wait until next year. I also highly recommend dancing all night. Dancing is good for the soul.

14. Will I have a good life in general? Something So Sweet- Suzie Vinnick
This is a really beautiful song. I don't know what else to say other than I'm actually going to have to listen to the whole thing... three times. It's about a breakup, but it doesn't talk about the end of love in a bad way. The entire song is about this awesome relationship and how they "had something so sweet", and that maybe again she can find that with someone else, or not... but it was worth all the pain. Anyway, if I am going to decipher the ipod's magical fortune telling ways it would tell me this: if you love this deeply, even just once, you will have had a good life because you experienced the purpose of life... love.

15. Can this (insert person here) ever really love me? Say Goodbye- Dave Matthews Band
This song is actually about a one night stand, but I'm going to read between the lines a little bit and just ignore the lyrics and focus in the title. All I have been doing lately is saying goodbye. But its not a bad thing. You have to say goodbye to someone before you can say hello again.

16. What's going to happen to me this week? Mixed Bizness- Beck
I really wish that I got this song under the sex life question. This is off the album "Midnight Vultures" which is all about sex. Opening line of the song: "mixed bizness with leather". Alright. Anyway, as far as I know this week won't involve any leather.

17. Where will I be a year from now? Waiting Song- Theresa Sokyrka
I guess I'll still be playing this song...

18. What is my biggest wish? Dancing When the Stars Go Blue
That awnser doesn't make sense at all... but this song still breaks my heart whenever I hear it. It reminds me of Ryan.

19. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment? Lonely Lonely- Feist
Out of all the songs on my playlist I got that one twice. He is lonely, maybe sitting on his bed listening to music, and typing a useless blog about his ipod. Or maybe he's out with his friends, but still feeling exactly the same as I am. It is a little bit of a comforting thought actually. This is my favorite song on the "Let It Die" album. I love it because after this very melancholy, mournful song, it picks up the end and has more of a joyful approach. It always reminds me of going home. I don't know home to, but just home.

20. How will I die? Try Me- Bob Marley and the Wailers
If there is reggae music playing when I die I will be a very happy girl.

21. What will happen after I die? Helpless- K.D Lang
Exactly.

Blog for a Friend

2006-10-04T14:23:00.000-07:00

I have this really good friend, and she just got her heart broken by someone who really didn't have the right to. He made a promise, and then he broke it for whatever reason. It isn't fair, and it's going to hurt for awhile. Here are some words of wisdom that have gotten me through some less than perfect times.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of suffering and trail can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved"
-Helen Keller

"There will be a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning."
- Louis L'Amour

"You have to accept whatever comes, and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best you have to give"
-Eleanor Roosevelt

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planeed, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
-Joseph Cambell

"...strength and courage aren't always measured in medals and victories. They are measured in the struggles we overcome. The strongest people are not always the people who win, but the people who don't give up when they lose"

"Time will bring healing"
-Euripides

"To love is to be vulnerable"

Lastly... lyrics. Lyrics to a beautiful song called "Love is Everything". Read them. Embrace them. Kd Lang does a beautiful version of it. Find it and listen to it.

Love is Everything

Maybe it was to learn how to love
Maybe it was to learn how to leave
Maybe it was for the games we played

Maybe it was to learn how to choose
Maybe it was to learn how to lose
Maybe it was for the love we made

Love is everything they said it would be
Love made sweet and sad the same
But love forgot to make me too blind to see
You're chickening out aren't you?
You're bangin' on the beach like an old tin drum
I cant wait 'til you make The whole kingdom come
So I'm leaving

Maybe it was to learn how to fight
Maybe it was for the lesson in pride
Maybe it was the cowboys' ways

Maybe it was to learn not to lie
Maybe it was to learn how to cry
Maybe it was for the love we made

Love is everything they said it would be
Love did not hold back the reins
But love forgot to make me too blind to see
You're chickening out aren't you?
You're bangin' on the beach like an old tin drum
I cant wait 'til you make The whole kingdom come
So I'm leaving

First i turns to you
Then i turns away
So you try to hurt me back
But it breaks your body down
So you try to love bigger, better still
But its too late

So take a lesson from the strangeness you feel
And know you'll never be the same
And find it in your heart to kneel down and say
I gave my love didn't I? And I gave it big sometimes
And I gave it in my own sweet time
I'm just leaving
I'm just leaving

I know you'll get through this. You have a lot of people that love and care for you. Call anytime you need.

Now Who's Immature?

2006-09-28T19:34:00.000-07:00

When I was in Regina visiting my friend he said one thing that really bothered me. He said that he thought he felt he was "too old" for me. It had nothing to with me apparently, but it was something that he had to deal with. Life continued on after this, and we never brought it up again during the rest of our time together leaving our relationship in this horrible grey area.

Now I don't really care whether our relationship is black or white, I would just like to know either way. And since I have a no bullshit policy, I decided yesterday to act on this instead of wondering. I emailed him and asked what was up in a really casual way. I wasn't pushy, I just asked what was going on.

And I have not got a response from him yet. He has been on msn on and off all day which means he has been checking his email and I havn't got a response. So what it really looks like now is that he is ignoring it.

If he is ignoring it that gives me the answer that I wanted. But it also proves him to be acting like he's in highschool. And he thought that he was too old.

Back To Life

2006-09-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

I just saw the new Zach Braff movie, The Last Kiss. To sum it up in one sentence I would say it is about a guy who freaks out about life, cheats on his pregnant girlfriend, and then the shit hits the fan. It was great because it was one of those movies that you can get really involved in and forget about everything else that is going on in your life. The characters were real, and the story was real. The movie did a really good job illustrating that life is not perfect. It was also the perfect end to a day of doing nothing but sitting around and watching movies.

It seems that when I want to forget about things that confuse me I either sleep or watch movies. Today was movies. Three of them, plus an episode of Criminal Minds and CSI: New York. Pretty pathetic considering my life is actually pretty awesome. But it seems that sometimes it can get uncomfortable no matter how comfortable it seems to be.

I got in a fight with my roommate Brett the other night. It was horrible and I don't think I have ever been more hurt or upset (or pissed off) by anyone. He is a good friend, and it seems that he doesn't really respect me or trust me. This is hard to deal with. I needed to escape it. I'm still too angry to confront him right now.

I also sent an email out today. It was a little lame because it was an email, but he lives in Regina and it seemed to wierd to call him to ask him one specific, completley loaded question. Now this person for sure knows how I feel about them, and if I ever get a response back I will know how he feels about me too. It really isn't a big deal, and I'm not bent out of shape by this, it would just be nice to have closure either way. I don't like bullshit, and I hope he is honest with me.

I guess the whole point of this was to just remind myself that no matter how movies you watch, how much you get into the character's own little drama, you still will always have to go back to your own as soon as the credits start rolling. This is, unfortunatley, very disapointing. I must say that right about now I would much rather be curled up on a couch with Zach Braff's character than have to confront my roommate, and possibly face rejection in the form of an email. But life is life. You deal with it. It's not perfect. And if it were comfortable all the time you would be bored.

Drama, Drama, Drama

2006-09-26T01:33:00.001-07:00

I really try to leave a drama-free lifestyle, even though I'm a dramatic person. This is true.

Unfortunatley this weekend had a little drama that I find myself caught up in now. I figure that maybe if I rant about it on my awesome blog that noone ever reads I may find myself comfort, therefore being able to move slowly away from the huge block of cheese I am devouring and into bed.

Here's the cast:

Brett- Good friend, bandmate, roommate.
Jeff- Amazing musician from Regina... kinda have a thing for him... a lot.
Kathryn- Best friend, roommate, lover.
Sarah- Another best friend, but not fortunate enough to be lover.
Dave- Sarah's awesome boyfriend, and trumpet player in my band.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
It's around 1:30 and I had just finished playing a gig with Dave and Brett, who are going to be heading up to Regina to go to the Chris Botti concert with Sarah. They ask if I want to come last minute, and after a few hours of flipping around trying to arrange tickets, I am getting ready to go to Regina. The first thing I do is email Jeff. Jeff and I have known eachother for about a year and met doing a gig for a drummer here in Saskatoon. Jeff is a great musician, and a really cool guy. Anyway, long story short is that I played a gig recently in Regina, and Jeff and I hit it off, and then I didn't stay for the after party because I wanted to go home and I thought Jeff has a girlfriend. Turned out he didn't have a girlfriend, and since that gig we have been trying to get together, but keep missing eachother. I really didn't think I would get to see him on such short notice but I decided to give it a try anyway.

We get to Regina, and Jeff calls and it turns out he is right down the street from the bar we were going for supper and he is meeting us there and things are awesome. We visit, and he decides to come to the concert with us. Things go great there too, so great that my friends notice and decide we should go out for another drink with him after the show. Drinks end, its getting late, and I'm still wanting to spend time with Jeff. We convince Brett to go to another bar, and he stars to get cranky. Jeff offers me to stay at his house for the weekend and see him play with a band on Saturday night, and then he would drive me home on Sunday. I accept.

The weekend was totally amazing. He is such a gentleman, and everything is going great and there are sparks. I go see him play with his band, and they are awesome, and we go to the symphony, and walked around downtown. It was the longest and best date I have ever been on so far. Then Saturday night rolls around, and after we come home from his gig at the bar we cuddle and its awesome. Then he wants to kiss me and its like yea and its good. And then he tells me he feels bad because he feels too old for me. He is 26. We went to bed after that.

That was pretty crappy, and that kind of sucked but we had a great morning together, and I know he likes me. He drove me home and we shared music all the way back, and then went for sushi and then he gets really sick. This is unfortunate not only because he is sick, but because Brett ok'd it for him to use his piano so he could sit in with my lyds band. But he is too sick to even go to lydia's so I leave him asleep on the couch.

I get home at 1:00... which is early for a Sunday night at Lydia's. Jeff is gone... and I am wierded out by this because I think right away that he got freaked and drove to Regina or something. Then I notice the keyboard is gone. I call Lydia's to see if I maybe missed him on the way out, and no... wasn't there. So I kind of start to freak out a little bit. He bolted with Brett's keyboard.

Let me add that Jeff is not the kind of person to steal anything, especially gear... he has like six of his own keyboards and he wouldn't need to steal Brett's.

Brett gets home, freaks out, slams the door and leaves an angry message on Jeff's voicemail saying that it wasn't "appriopriate adult behavior" to take the keyboard and that if it wasn't back he'd be calling the cops in the morning. Brett then shuts the door, and then hangs up in my ear when I call him to tell him Jeff was back with his keyboard.

Jeff stopped at a friends on the way to lyds, and never made it to lydias because he was too sick. His friend made him tea and he fell asleep on the couch. Real criminal.

Anyway, I really like this guy and he probably will never want to come to my house again. And I'm raging angry at Brett and am probably going to have to move out because I'm sick of all the bullshit that I have to put up with from him and his girlfriend.

And I don't feel better unfortunately. Just angry. And the cheese is almost gone. Awesome.
This really was a pointless blog, with no point... or spell check.

I at least hope you were amused.

New Post, Wrong Date

2006-09-21T00:07:00.000-07:00

I actually have a new post! I can't believe it either. Trouble is you that it didn't post to the correct day because I started writing it months ago.

Anyway, my point is that I have a new post (not this one), and its called Motion Picture Soundtrack and Orgasms. You just have to scroll down the page to find it and read it if you really even care.

Do you care? Probably not.

Read it anyway.

Pointless Blog Filled With Nothing But Garbage. Don't Read It.

2006-08-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

Today I am just feeling so overwhelmed about everything in my life right now. I don't really understand why, but I feel like I'm about to spontaneously combust. I leave tonight at 11pm to drive to Calgary with the guys and then fly out to Vancouver tomorrow to play a show with Theresa, and I just feel like with this and work, its becoming too much... so much that I phoned in sick to work today.

I don't know what it is about me and "real jobs". We don't click. I am too irresponsible and lazy to work a real job. Today I just woke up and felt like I needed have time to collect before I left tonight. I'm only gone for a couple of days, but to come home from a stressful day of work and then have to pack and see all the people I need to see before I go I wouldn't have time. I would also forget important things, and have a mental breakdown... which is what I feel like right now.

Anyway, I have a week left of my job starting on Monday. The trouble is that I don't know if I can find the strength in me to finish. I am horrible when it comes to doing the right thing. Anyway, I get a little bit of a holiday now... and then a week. I can do it.

Well this was a lot of pointless, randomly scattered thoughts that aren't really relevant to anything that is remotley interesting. See where my brain is at right now? Real jobs fuck me up.

Time to pack for Van city.

A Phone Call Can Change Your Life

2006-08-18T23:18:00.000-07:00

It seems that everytime I post now it is always an update. I've been really busy this summer, yet it hasn't seemed like anything really exciting to me has happened. I spent a lot of time working, playing music, partying, and listening to as much live music as possible. That was generally my summer. Until I got this phone call.

Today I gave my notice in at work. My last day is on September 5th. After then I have some time to get my "affairs" in order, relax, and prepare for what is about to happen.

I am hittin' the road. For months. Roughly three months. I have never done anything like this before in my life, and I have also never been so sure of anything before. It is by far the biggest opportunity I have ever had, and I didn't even have to do anything. It happened with just a phone call.

I'm going on tour with Theresa Sokyrka. I played my first gig with her on Tuesday at Waskesiu. It was the smoothest first gig I have ever played with anyone, and the songs she wrote are great. We are playing all the new songs from her new album "Something Is Expected", which is out on September 29th. The music is great, and so far the band seems like its going to be awesome.

Finn, the piano player in my Lydia's band is also playing, so I have a really awesome friend there with me. The other guys in her band are Tyler and Ryan. They are from Red Deer. And then Theresa, of course! Also we have a road manager... his name is Darcy. He doubles as the best sound guy I have ever played with.

That is my news. I go play at the Vancouver Ex next week, and then fly home, finish up work, and then go again to B.C. in September again. I won't be home a lot in October, and I won't be at home at all in November and December. I will be home for Christmas though.

I hope everybody is doing well, and sorry I havn't been in touch this summer very much. I can't wait to quit my job and get my priorities straightened up... music, family, and of course, friends.

It is definatley going to be a new and exciting adventure.

Sweet.

Summmmmmertime, and the livin' is easy!

2006-07-24T18:40:00.000-07:00

This is proving to be a very good summer. So good in fact that I havn't had a lot of time at all to write. It's been busy, and exciting. So many new and scary things are happening and my life is changing before my eyes. Anyway, I'd figure I'd give you guys some updates to give you an idea of whats going on with me. I hope everyone is doing well with their travels this summer, and I've been still reading some of your posts.

Anyway, here are some updates:

Living by myself has been great. I am really enjoying the independance and my awesome room mates. Our house is unfortunatley extremley hot though due to the fact that we dont' have air conditioning. We are managing though, with lots of fans, and drinking lots of wine.
I had one of the most amazing weekends of my life up at Ness Creek musical festival. My band played and we had some really magical moments with some other bands we got to work up there with in the band. More about this later on though, it needs its own post!
Work is going really well, except for the minor fact that I work with the bitchiest person in the entire world. I will also probably have to dedicate an entire post to the rude things she says to me. It's mostly funny.
I will not be going back to school in the fall. Just not for me right now, and I'm very comfortable with it.
I will also be quitting my job in November. Not as comfortable with that, but I have to follow the path that has been laid out for me.
I bought an upright electric bass a few days ago. It has amazing tone and is very responsive, which is something I didn't expect at all. I love it.
I bought the upright electric because in November I will be doing a little it of travelling... as in I'm going on tour for two months. I think it still might be a little bit too early to tell you guys who I'm playing with, but I will say that it is NOT my band, and it's going to be a great opportunity for me.
My family is doing great, and I think I've gotten a lot closer to them since I have moved out.

Well, thats all that is really new. Jazz fest was awesome as well, but that was a long time ago. And unfortunatley I've only been up to the lake once, but I'm enjoying my weekends in the city with my friends, and my family is here most of the time as well.

And, since I'm notorious for talking about it, no boyfriend now. Just a few small crushes, well ones kind of a big one anyway, but so far it doesn't seem like hes interested. He's the most unlikely fellow too. Nerdy, and pretty quiet, but very down to earth.

And a bass player.

Dammit.

pictures!!!

2006-07-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

Motion Picture Soundtrack and Orgasms

2006-06-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

I havn't quite figured what life is really all about yet, and nor do I ever expect to, but I have been thinking a lot about it lately. We spend 9 months of our life floating around in our mothers womb. We get nurtured by our parents, if we are lucky, and eventually begin grade school. We make friends, go to highschool, and then graduate. After highschool, life begins for real. You go to school get a career, maybe fall in love, have kids, buy a house. You hit old age, and eventually pass on.

It is really hard for me to put my thoughts into words, but I have been getting the feeling that life is short, and I have been thinking a lot about death. Death scares me, but not because of religious or spiritual reasons. I have always been comfortable with that, but if you think about it, you spend your entire life developing relationships with your parents, with your friends, with a spouse, and eventually children. You become these relationships, and then suddenly you just have to say goodbye to them not knowing if you will see them ever again.

I strongly believe that we are put on this earth to make connections and relationships with people. We are put on earth to love, and to laugh. My Gramma was just diagnosed with leukemia. We all cried when we heard the news, and then we all put on strong faces, including my Gramma. I am convinced that these challanges are put in front of people and families for a reason. We have a long way to go, but what is important is that we are all in it together, and I know we'll push through.

On that note, I want to leave you with two things. A song and a paragraph.

The song is Motion Picture Soundtrack by Radiohead (of course). It is a beautiful song. Listen to the moment of silence at the end of the song, and then imagine the gates of heaven opening up when the music kicks in at the end again.

And this:

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating ... and you finish off as an orgasm.

The Lake, and the Aftermath

2006-06-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I went to the lake with my friend Sarah. We had a wonderful time just hanging out, eating a lot, sleeping a little, and visiting. It was a great weekend to get away, and even though it rained we had a wonderful time. In order to be away for the weekend though I had to take the risk of leaving my house and room unattended with two crazy roommates.

As you all know, we like to play pranks on eachother, and Brett and I had just finished sticking a shitload of posters in Brett's room, so I knew I was going to be next if I was going to the lake. I was right, and they definatley did a good job. A lot of saranwrap, plastic cups, crystal light, time, and drinking went into the making of this creation. After four hours of hard work, this is the finished result. The pictures are on here for your enjoyment (and mine, because it is pretty halarious) so enjoy! And just so you know, yes... that is the outline of a penis.

2006-06-08T23:08:00.000-07:00

I havn't updated on anything since the weekend because I am slightly confused about, well, everything. Everything always seems to happen all in one big mess and now its a matter of deciding what I need, rather than what I want. There is definatley a big difference and it is very hard to separate the two. Like tonight for instance- I want to post something on my blog right now. I need to sleep because I work at 8 am. The two can get very co-dependant.

Anyway, the weekend was interesting. I was thinking about the cute boy I work with a lot, and not thinking about two much else. I showed up for my Lydia's gig on Sunday night and it ended up setting the tone for the rest of my week.

Firstly, the creepy guy who just about chased me from Starbucks on Broadway saying I need to play music "only for him and just for him why can't you give me ten minutes" and other creepy things showed up to Lydia's. He was telling Gillian he is in love with me. He asked me about four times. Because of him I have had bad dreams about him all week. He really freaks me out because he seems like the type of person that would do something scary. Anyway, the band knows about it and definatley wouldn't put me in a situation where I was at risk, and I'm definatley watching my own back. He's really sketchy though, and he said he would show up this Sunday. I really hope he forgets.

Secondly, Tim shows up AGAIN to my gig, and long story short, we end up talking things out a little bit. He told me he likes me. I don't remember too much else though, Sunday ended up being kind of a blur. Anyway, he took me out on a lovely little date on Tuesday, and now hes gone for a week. I like him, but I'm not sure he can give me what I need. There are a lot of "wants" he can fulfill, but hes pretty immature. I think he thinks we are dating now, and I'm having a hard time thinking of it in that way. The relationships with Tim in the past have not really even been a relationship. We would both get really busy, and then I wouldn't talk to him in awhile. The end. Of course, there are a lot of other issues floating in my head about this one but that would require a new post.

Thirdly, my friend Jake spins records for us on Sunday's in between our setbreaks and before and after we play and through this hes become friends with everyone in the band. We even played at his convocation party. He is so knowledgable about music, and hes an artist. Super smart, and just a neat person in general. He is also 30, and leaving for Tiawan (or Thialand... who knows?!) in July, and he asked me out on Sunday. I was super suprised by this, and I thought about it really quickly and what a great idea. Seriously, Jake is a wonderful person and we get along. It just seemed like a really good idea, except hes leaving. He followed through too. He just called tonight and asked if I wanted to go garage "sailing" on Saturday. How cool is that!? Super cool. I'm gone though. And confused about all of this garbage.

And then theres cute boy from work. I havn't seem him a lot this week. Today he seemed really sad and kind of just not himself, and my Aunt noticed it too. I think it probably has to do with his ex and her kids. Confusing. Not wanting to deal with that any longer.

This is such garbage, I'm sure you guys don't even care. I don't even think I do really. I mean I do, but my blog has turned into such a "diary" of some sorts to me. It has completley replaced my journals that I have kept since I was in grade six. This is the reason why I get so indepth with personal things. I apologize if you don't care, and I'm also sorry if you are going end up judging me about the things I put on here. We all do that, some just do it more than others, some are just in denial, and then some people just don't care.

Speaking of wants and needs, I definatley need to get some sleep because I'm wanting to get ranty and bitchy. Watch out!

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I am definatley hittin' up the lake with my counter part, Sarah. Hopefully we have nice weather, and hopefully I will have a little clarity about all of this garbage when I come home.

Oh, and fyi: The other night Brett and I covered Graham's room in sticky notes. 84000 to be exact. He hasn't seen it yet, he comes home tomorrow. It's pretty halarious.

What isn't halarious though is that I'm going to get slammmmed this weekend pretty badly I think. I am not home all weekend, and the boys have the house to themself. I will let you know if anything happens. Fingers crossed it doesn't, but I will definatley keep you posted.

Cheers

song of the day- Take Me Home- Holly Cole

A Little About Shaw

2006-06-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

Shaw Cable has been a great place to work so far. I work 8-4:30 so it doesn't conflict with any gigs. I get awesome benefits, get paid well, and work in an office where I can listen to music. The women I share the office with are fun, even when they are in a cranky mood. Another great perk of the job is I get to hang out with my Aunty Hez a lot during breaks. I was expecting this place to be a great gig, and of course all of my expectations have been met so far. There is, however, one thing that I was not expecting at all.

Keith has worked with my Aunty Hez for the past three years. His desk is right next to hers, so when they aren't working they visit. They also take their breaks together, which means when I meet my Aunt for break, I also am meeting Keith. We have lots of fun during breaks, joking around, chatting about this and that, and to tell you the truth, my Aunt and I do most of the talking. Keith is pretty quiet, but a very nice person, and pretty funny too and I started to develop a little crush on him... which I was not going to mention to ANYONE. This was going to my little secret crush (Along with Heath Ledger, Ryan Adams, Joel Plaskett, James Bond, etc).

I started to get this feeling that he kind of liked me too. He is really quiet around me, blushes easily if we bug him about something, and he looks at me "that way" sometimes. He just seems so much more shy when I am around than he usually would be. I really thought that this was just my imagination though, and figured I should just ignore it. He is actually 27 years old, and I just figured that a 27 year old who keeps to himself a lot of the time wouldn't be into a younger, more outgoing person like myself.

While all of this inner turmoil of "keith keith keith" is going on in my head, my Aunt notices that she thinks Keith likes me. She tells my mother. My mother tells my Dad, my Dad, somewhere along the line tells my brother. We all go to a family gathering last weekend and everytime I mentioned Keith everyone would smile at eachother and laugh. I mentioned him a lot, apparently, and my family kind of got the feeling I liked him too. I have no idea that any of this is going on.

Later in the week my Dad asks me if I like a guy from work. I deny it, naturally. Then, a few days later, my brother brings it up, so I have a feeling something is going on, and I ask my Mom. She tells me what Aunty Hez told her about how she has a feeling Keith likes me. She also tells me Keith just got out of a relationship with an older woman who is 34 and has two kids. My Aunt also told my Mom that Keith needs to be in a relationship with a younger person, and that he shouldn't be putting kids to bed at his age. I tell my parents that, yes, I do like Keith a little. I also wonder if I should talk to my Aunt about this by myself.

So, tonight I talked to her about Keith. And she tells me that Keith told her that he was talking to his ex again. I guess she also advised him not to get back into a relationship with her, and that her opinion had nothing to do with me. She did say though that she thought Keith liked me. I told her I had the feeling too, or that he just acts different around me because he thinks I'm wierd, which could be true. I am pretty talkative, and wierd. My Aunt reassured me though that it wasn't that.

I am a little confused, though. I was actually kind of excited about it, not because I knew I would date him, but I thought that something might happen. He is a great guy. Nerdy. I dreamt about him all last night too. I can't get him out of my head, and I was really disapointed to hear that he was talking to his ex again. But who knows what Monday will bring. This isn't going to effect my mood, and its not going to make me act wierd around him. I just will be myself, because that is all I can be. A crush is just a crush, and it can be disapointing sometimes, but I am not going to let it effect a friendship.

Above all, in any situation, you just need to remember that everything happens for a reason.

Poetry In Music, Part One

2006-06-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

The lyrics don't lie. These are some of my favorite lyrics from some of my favorites songs. They cover a wide assortment of topics, I'm sure. Some are sad, some are witty, some are happy, and some are just associated with really good (or really shitty) memories. Some are from songwriters I have loved forever, and some I don't listen to very much. Also, keep in mind that I could put the entire song down, but then the blog would be 50 billion pages long. Yes, 50 billion. So without further ado, some of my favorites. Enjoy!

"Still a little bit of your song in my ear"
-Damien Rice, Cannonball

"Outside in our overcoats
Drinking down to the bitter end
Trying to make things right
Like my mother did"
-Diana Krall, Departure Bay

"Let it die
And get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
or hear ear to ear"
-Feist, Let It Die

"And I don't need to know your favorite artists name
I don't need to know what woman's felt the same
And I don't need to see you every single day
But I'd like to"
-Feist, The Mast

"Theres love in the air, But I'm on the ground"
-Joel Plaskett, Theres Love in the Air

"Getting into bed seemed easy enough
Getting out's a little harder to do"
- Joel Plaskett, True Patriot Love

"I survive on the breath you are finished with"
-John Mayer

"I've been a miner for a heart of gold"
-Neil Young, Heart of Gold

"Where do you go when you get lonely
where do you go when you get blue
where do you go when you get lonely
i'll follow you"
-Ryan Adams, When The Stars Go Blue

"I would have held your mothers hand on the day you was born"
-Ryan Adams, How Do You Keep Love Alive

"Closer than a girl can get
To trouble if she hasn't yet got in it"
-Sarah Harmer, Came On Lion

"If theres love in a house its a palace for sure"
-Tom Waits, House Where Nobody Lives

Water guns, bananas, and Tampons

2006-06-01T18:34:00.001-07:00

Room mates are halarious. So far, my living arrangements have worked out perfectly. Aside from a few dirty dishes every so often, Graham and Brett are amazing. When I want to visit, they can visit, and when I want to be alone, or sleep they piss off. The only reason its going so smoothly is that I'm living with guys. Girls can be catty. ALL girls can be catty. Yes, I know its hard to believe... but I can be catty. There I said it, I know you don't believe it, but I can be. Anyway, this post is dedicated to telling you some funny stories, and some sweet ones too, about my roommates.

One night, I got home from being out with my friend, Sarah. We sat around with Graham and our mutual friend, Justin and I am very tired. I decide its time for bed. So bedtime it is, and Sarah decides she will hang around a little bit longer and hang out with the boys. I get my pjamas on, and do my night rituals, and crawl into bed. As my feet reach the end of the bed I feel something cold and metal. So naturally, I'm thinking "what the fuck", crawl out of bed, and reach under the covers to see whats up. Sure enough, there is a soup can in my bed. Yup, Brett but a soup can in my bed. Awesome. I also woke up with a ball of plastic in the top of my closet too, compliments of Brett.

Brett and I have also pulled a few pranks ourselves... like sticking bananas in Graham's bed the other day... after he just washed his sheets. Of course we didn't peel them or anything, but we knew it would make it better if he just washed his sheets. I also have stuck a tampon in his guitar case, but shhhh.

We also have a water gun in the kitchen. This water gun is used by Brett, mostly. He likes to use it to shoot me with. Mostly in the face, or on my neck so it leaks down my shirt. Or the armpit if he has a good shot. Pleasant, I know.

These things are all fun and halarious, but we do nice things for eachother too. I spent an hour in traffic trying to get home the other day and by the time I got home I was so frazzled. I was sitting on the couch when Brett walked in the door and asked if I had made supper yet. I hadn't, and he gave me twenty dollars to go get a bottle of wine, and he cooked me supper. It was so great.

Brett also will set up the coffee maker for me in the evening if he knows that I have a gig that goes late and I have to work.

These are just some of the small few things that goes on in our house. We love to joke around, play music, and hang out together. It's been a really great experience so far. Sometimes I miss my family, but the independance is amazing, and having great roommates makes it really easy to be independant. Having fun, motivated people around you in turn makes you motivated.

Anyway, off to freehouse for some GREEK PIZZA. hmmmm. Definatley my favorite.

song of the day- crash into me- dave matthews

Soup Cans, Bananas and Tampons

2006-06-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

Jazz Week, People!

2006-05-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

There is less than a month until the Saskatchewan Jazz fest starts! And there is noone in Saskatoon more excited/busy than me. Well, there will be a lot of busy people... not just me, but I am pretty busy and that is super super super super super exciting!!!!

Anyway, I just thought I would put my two cents in about the artists that are coming, what shows you should avoid and go see, and then let you know when I am playing in case you feel like checkin' me out a little bit too.

Last year the Jazz festival had an amazing lineup. Hellllllllllo Dave Holland! Also other jems from last year include Aurturo Sandoval, Ed Thigpen, Hugh Fraser and VEGI, Mavis Staples, and Sharon Jones (RETURNING THIS YEAR). This is only a few of the amazing acts we had come through this wonderful city of ours.

This years lineup is pretty good as well, including Little Richard, Jesse Cook, and Divine Brown. These are great... I guess... but the problem is that they aren't really jazz and they are spending a shitload of money bringing these people to our city. Now, I do understand that bands like Kardinal Offishal, and K-os, who passed through the city last year, aren't really jazz, but they are part of the "groove series" that is meant to bring out a younger crowd. Included in the groove series is one of my favorites, Sharon Jones. Last year that series of shows worked out wonderfully for the festival and they had the best turnout overall that they had in years. Why did they all of a sudden have to get stupid and crazy with the lineup? They could have brought in Oscar Peterson for the amount of money they are paying for Little Richard. It just seems they are slowly moving away from a jazz festival concept, and closer to a musical festival concept.

Anyway, that should be enough of my ranting... and now that I am into it, you may get to look forward to a entire blog dedicated to this concept. But for now I leave you with my jazz fest dates:

June 22- Buds on Broadway with Elly Paris and the Band That Got Away 10pm
June 24- Kiwanis Park Freestage with Tin Bridge Sextet 6pm (**** Sharon Jones to follow at Odeon!!!)
June 25- Lydia's Pub with Tin Bridge Sextet 9:30 pm
June 26- Bassment as the house bass player for the Jazz Jam night 8pm (musicians bring your horn!)
June 29- Kiwanis Park Freestage (the band doesn't have a name yet but it will be funky) 4pm
June 30- Tentative date set for Lydia's Pub with Tin Bridge Sextet 10pm
June 1- Kiwanis Park Freestage with Elly Paris and the Band That Got Away 4pm
June2- Kiwanis Park Freestage with U of S Summer Jazz band 4pm

There might be a couple more gigs stuck in there that I am still waiting for, but its gonna be a busy, but wonderful week. Myles also graduates that week too, so that will be a lot of fun. I hope to see you guy out at some shows... SHARON JONES, BABY!

Song of the day- Crazy- Gnarls Barkley... yea I probably spelled his name wrong. Can't say I really care right now though.

Start Countin!

2006-05-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

Unfortunatley, life can get a little shitty sometimes. Like the other day when I found out from Mr. Doctor that I have carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand. Awesome news, especially if you have gigs five evenings in a row. Tonight was the fifth gig and I'm sore. I shouldn't be typing, but as I was playing tonight, and being angry about my hand/elbow/arm, I thought about all the little things today that made it special. Sure, this thing with my hand sucks, and I have PMS, but really, things aren't always as bad as they seems.

1. I went to my Uncle's birthday party with my family this afternoon. I got to visit with everyone and eat amazing spinich and artichoke dip. I find that because I don't see my parents everyday now that I really cherish the time when I do get to see them. I appriciate them a lot more. It was so good to see them, as well as the rest of my wonderful family. And my dog. I love Roxi.

2. I got to see my brother. I havn't seen him for awhile he was on a canoeing trip.

3. I played lots of pool at the party. It was fun.

4. I danced in my room to Gnarls Barkley.

5. When my room mate got home today he also brought our cute friend with him, and when the friend greeted me at the door, he said "Hey Sexy". Sweeet.

6. Driving along the river in the rain, and listening to Ron Sexsmith. Beautiful.

7. I had a few really good solos that I was proud of tonight at my gig.

8. Tim Vaughn showed up to my gig and heard my really good solos.

9. Rick gave me a beautiful picture of took of me a week ago, and then showed me a halarious photoshop picture he made of the band. So funny.

10. I got to visit good friends at Lyds.

Ten things. All you have to do is count. It is 2am right now, and I work at 8, which kinda really sucks, but when I read my list I realize things aren't so bad. So, just count. It is too often that we focus on our problems while all of the beautiful, simple moments in life just pass by. Count.

song of the day- Theres A Reason For Our Love- Ron Sexsmith

"Ijustwannabefriends"

2006-05-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

Finally it ends.

The whole Tim/Teegan drama is finally over. I now realize that he isn't mature enough to be the boyfriend that I would want him to be, so it will never work. We had a nice little chat when I dropped him off at his friends house. It went something like this:

Teegan: We never did get to talk about "the night"

Tim: Yea... we didn't.

Teegan: Yea that night sucked.

(insert awkward silence)

Tim: Ijustwannabefriends

Teegan: Me tooo... (insert sigh of relief)

Tim: (insert many ramblings to try and make Teegan feel better, even though she is not sad)

Now I know all my readers, sorry, let me rephrase. I know that all two of my readers will be disapointed that this ridiculous saga is over, I know I am... well not really actually. I'm not disapointed at all. I'm more just relieved I don't have to think about it anymore and that I don't have to deal with immature horny boys flirting with skanky face girls right in front of me... right... anyway, I know it was fun while it lasted, but I really do think we are better friends. Look on the bright side, we get to start from scratch. No, not Tim and I, I me I guess. Whatever. Anyway, from this point on you will get to read about even more ridiculous new encounters that I get myself into with the opposite sex, and other things... ummm yea... awkward. Nevermind, then. You have to admit my stories are amusing. Funny? No, that is probably a stretch, but it is definatley amusing, and you know what? I'm okay with that.

As my long time lover friend John Mayer has said many a time to me on occasions like these, "Good Love Is On The Way".

Word.

The Right Thing At The Right Time

2006-05-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

Usually when I get in some sort of heated discussion or am pissed off, I will leave the conversation and then four hours later, I will think of the perfect thing to say. I never have been one to say the right thing at the right time. I am not witty enough I guess, or I just get too pissed for my brain to function properly.

I have always been envious of people that can be quick enough to reply with the right thing. The thing that will completley shut the person down, get your point across clearly, and ultimatley let them know exactly what you are saying without actually saying it. It is an art. My Dad and my brother are extremley quick witted, and I've been a little slower, and then my Mom, the slowest. It has nothing to do with how smart you are, its just how you deal with things in the heat of the moment.

Anyway, last night I actually had a breakthrough of sharpness. I am really sick of talking about this guy, but the story is just so good, so naturally I need to tell it to you.

Last night I wore a mini skirt... I wouldn't exactly call it a mini skirt though. It's pretty much standard length for a short skirt. Right around knee length. Just perfect. I don't usually wear skirts though, so it was kind of fun. Sarah and I were going to Lydia's to see the guy I made cry's band... I'll just tell you his name. Tim is the guy I made cry, and we were going to check it out. I will also mention that Tim has been at every gig I have played in the last week and half, so It was seeming like things were starting to get on the right track again.

Sarah and I got there, and we visited and Tim came up and talked to me during his first set break. I visited with his parents and his sister, and my second Mom Gillian was there, and our friend Katherine. It was a great night at Lydia's because it was just the regulars. We danced a lot, and were just wishing the night would never end, like we do so many times when the great aura of Lydia's is present.

The last song finally arrives, we are all dancing, and this girl in a very, very, VERY short mini skirt tries to push me out of my dancing area... which is the same place it always is, right in the front. She keeps pushing, and I'm annoyed, so I give her a nudge and just keep dancing and she stops being annoying... that is until the song ends.

Song ends, she pushes in front of me and, for everyone to see, propositions Tim. Nice. Very classy, and of course, this fills my soul with RAGE.

I sit down, and visit with friends, growling to myself every so often. After hours kind of begins, and everyone is still visiting, and I notice this skanky girl with the short mini coming on to Tim. She is allll over him, and then what I witness shocks and bothers me. He takes down her number in his cell phone. This pisses me off even more, but I continue to visit with friends, and Tim does a little business with the manager, and then he goes right back to this skanky girl who is now hitting on the bouncer. Classy. We keep visiting.

Soon it is time to go though, and Sarah, Katherine, Gillian and I leave. Tim is still talking to skank face, but sees me leaving and approaches me. I will write out the exact dialouge of what happens next:

Tim: You are leaving?

Teegan: Yea, I'm leaving. We are getting kicked out.

Tim: Really? You aren't going to stay?

Teegan: No... my mini skirt isn't short enough to be able to stay.

SNAP

Awkward silence. I can feel he is uncomfortable. Luckily, he didn't start crying in the bar.

That is the story of my one moment where I actually knew exactly what to say. I don't care if I hurt his feelings. I am totally sick of this bullshit, and he needs to know exactly where I am at, which is "I'm really pissed off at you and you need to get your shit together".... among many other things. And the greatest part was that I wasn't drunk. I just said exactly what I wanted to. It was pretty awesome. And I feel damn good about it today.

La De Da

2006-05-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to announce my own engagement to Joel Plaskett. I was just at his show at Amigos and I decided that him and I are going to get married. He does not know this yet so give me about three years to close the deal. I will let you know when everything is final.

Unfortunatley, this is not the case... yet. But I would like to say congratulations to my great friend Karen on her engagement. I am very happy for both her and Rees.

Anyway, I did actually just get home from the Joel Plaskett Emergency concert. It was an amazing night musically and personally for me. I learned a lot about myself in just one concert and it really changed my perspective on a few things. It is amazing how that can happen in just one night.

Musically, it was an amazing concert. Joel Plaskett, to me, is what "Canadian" music sounds like. Whenever someone asks me what he sounds like, I just say "Canadian". His song writing is so personal so when you listen to him you are taken to many different places. It rocked. It talked. It was honest. Honesty is such a huge thing for me when I am listening to music, and he is honest. You experience his life in his music because he is such a good story teller. It was the first time in a long time that I could close my eyes and just listen. The place was crowded, but I was so into the music that I was just in my own little world. I got so many of those little tingles that we are constantly searching for in the music as musicians, but also as listeners.

You can probably tell I am really impressed by Mr. Plaskett. It was all very impressive. But the music ended up taking me somewhere other than tingles. Music is incredibly personal no matter how you look at it, but instead of just being a personal experience, it ended up changing a little part of my person. This was a place I never expected Joel Plaskett and his music to take me when I walked into Lydia's tonight.

I got there and discovered that my ex-boyfriend, Luke, was going to be present. I havn't actually seen him since the breakup, but he loves Joel Plaskett. In fact, he is the very person that hooked me on Joel Plaskett. On my birthday he made me a CD, and Joel Plaskett was on it. I was obsessed with the song and made him listen to it over and over everytime we drove somewhere in my van. Poor guy, he ended up getting pretty sick of that song.

Anyway, he was there tonight. I noticed him standing at the bar and he was staring at me. As soon as he knew I noticed him, he turned away. Luke definatley knows that I am pissed at him, and at that point in the evening I had every intention to ignore him all night. He hurt me, so I didn't want to talk to him. Fair, I guess. I figured that I had avoided seeing him since the breakup for this long, I wasn't going to sacrafice my record now.

After awhile of visiting with some friends and ignoring Lucas, Joel Plaskett finally takes the stage and I go by myself to the front. Luke, unfortunatley, decides that he would stand not too far down from me. The first song starts, and it is the song that Luke put on my birthday CD for me, Happen Now. Coincidence? No, probably not. And what happened inside of me next wasn't a coincidence either.

I was overcome with this strong feeling of forgiveness. I have never felt a feeling so powerful and it literally took over me. I felt a little emotional, but in a happy way. I was so happy I could have cried. I was so into the song, and it became clear to me what I needed to do. I walked over to Luke, tapped him on the arm and I whispered in his ear "No hard feelings, okay?". I smiled at him, squeezed his arm a little, and I walked away. Luke smiled. My resentment had finally vanished, I felt a little lighter than before, and I continued to be completley taken by Joel Plaskett.

After the show I went and said hi to a friend, and began to leave but I felt someone squeeze my arm. It was Luke. At this point, I couldn't help feeling a little sad. Forgiveness is a powerful thing, but I think it is a rare thing for a human being to forgive and forget. I won't forget the relationship that we had, or how much the breakup sucked, or how much I probably hurt him just as much as he hurt me. But at the same time, I will never forget driving in the car and making him listen to Happen Now on repeat either. I won't forget him smiling at me from behind his drum set when he was playing a show, or me smiling at him while playing my bass at a show. I won't forget about the night we played chess at the yard for like five hours. I won't forget hanging out in his room listening to jazz, or the night we went to the Jason Collett show together. There is no denying that he did care for me even though its easier to just be mad. It was bad timing, and some things just aren't meant to be.

After the Joel Plaskett concert we visited a little. He gave me updates on his band. We talked about jazz fest a little. We talked about moving out, and moving in, and our jobs. It was good to catch up, and at the end of it all he said that it was good to finally see me again, and he gave me a hug... which ended up being a little awkward because I was a little suprised. I actually said "oh... okay we're doing that?". Besides the fact that I have no tact sometimes, it was a step in the right direction. Not just for a friendship, but for striving to become a better person. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. I had every intention of ignoring him for eternity, even just a few hours before. All it took was a little Joel Plaskett to save the day.

Which is why I have decided I am going to marry him. No date is set yet, but I will let you know the details as soon as Joel and I discuss them. This will, of course, take place after I meet finally meet him, get him to fall desperatley and passionatltey in love with me, and ultimatley, propose. La Deeeee Da.***

Anyway, work in the morning. Damn the man.

Song of the day: NonBeliever- Joel Plaskett (aka my future husband)

*** Name of Joel Plaskett's latest album. Check that one out, as well as Truthfully, Truthfully and also the album Clayton Park, which he recorded with his former band, Thrush Hermit. Yes, that is right. THRUSH HERMIT. Word.

This Town Has Got Me Down

2006-05-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

It seems as this weather has managed to bring everyone down lately. "Weather" it gives you a cranky mood, bad attitude, lack of motivation, or in some odd reported cases, makes you cheery, the rain and gloomy weather seems to have an effect on everyone. Don't get me wrong, I love the rain. It makes everything fresh and it will make the dust go away, but it definatley puts me in a wierd mood.

Tonight was the first time I have come home to my new place and felt like it wasn't really "home". It may have been because I was returning from my three hour tv marathon with my parents, or maybe the fact that my downstairs neighbor was difficult today, but it just didn't seem like home. I was sad when I left my parents tonight. Sad that I wasn't going up to my room to wake up to my puppy crawling in bed with me. Sad that I couldn't hug and kiss my parents good night and tell them I loved them right before bed. And I was a little sad when I unlocked the door and came home to an empty house. But maybe its just the rain.

I should feel happy right now. Things are all falling into place. I moved out, I finally secured a job with Shaw, and I'm making a bunch of money on the side doing exactly what i love: selling drugs.

Just kidding. I meant music.

I guess I just feel blah. But the four pieces of pizza I ate tonight might be contributing to that. And the beer I had with it. And the onion rings.

Shit. No wonder I am not feelin' so hot. That is a lot of junk food. Now all I am thinking about is what I ate for supper. And dessert... three double chocolate cookies. Hmmm cooookies... Shit. I mean dammit! Now instead of feeling "blah", I feel guilty for eating my weight in grease. Everytime I burp now its going to taste like onion rings. Fantastic.

Anyway, I'm sure this is exactly what you wanted to read on this rainy, damp eve. I hope that instead of the general unpleasant moods the rain can bring (ie: crank face syndrome, eating yourself to death), it will instead bring renewal and refreshment.

"Strive to be happy"

Song of the day: Heart of Gold- Neil Young

Freak Magnet

2006-05-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

Bartenders come across a lot of strange people. Musicians working in bars also encounter many strange people. But in my experience, women musicians who work in bars come across the strangest people of all. I have only been doing this for a year, but my fellow musicians (mostly men) have dubbed me as somewhat of a "freak magnet" of some sort.

I don't know if its just because I'm a woman, or maybe because I play an abnormal instrument for my size, but I really do seem to attract a lot of freaks when I am working. I usually get some nut bar coming up to me in between my set breaks wanting to talk and then they decide that they should follow me around the rest of the evening. Now to be fair, I do attract a lot of nice and interesting people as well, and often you can sit and visit with someone that you met on a gig, but really, who wants to hear about that. I will share with you some of the infamous crazies who graced me with their presence.

One particularily rowdy night at Lydia's, a guy approached me. He had many, many peircings and tattoos and a metallica shirt on. He followed me around, sat at the table with me, and of course, he was deerrruuuunnk. Finally, we start playing again and his friends tell him they want to leave. He starts babbling in a very loud voice "NO! We have to stay... I'm in love with the bass player and I want to stay NO NO NO". His friends finally dragged him out. We all had a chuckle.

One another night at Lydia's, a man sends Gillian, our singer, a drink. Gillian goes to thank the guy and then realizes that he actually meant to send me the drink. This guy ends up sending me one after the mix up, so I wave, and go begin the set with the band. Mid-way through the set, I get another drink from the same guy. He was probably in his early 30's, but he looked like he was on crack or something... seriously. He looked rough, and he was by himself and drinking alone. At the end of the set, he sends me another. I go and thank him, get a billion cheesy pickup lines, he buys me yet another drink (by this time, Brandon the lovely bartender just started to give me soda... and no vodka) and I finally tell the guy I'm 19. He leaves me alone after that... but comes back the next week.

At another Freehouse gig, the band notices two guys who are getting pretty wasted, but seem to be really enjoying the music. We play the set, and this guy introduces himself as Dean. He looks about 27. He buys me a drink and begins to tell me how attractive a female bass player is. He asks how old I am and I tell him 19, but he wouldn't believe me, so he just continues shamelessly with the pick up lines. He asks me for my number a few times, I wouldn't give it to him, and he sticks around all night waiting to get my number. Of course, I don't give it to him. It was also really funny because he started asking my band members if they thought he was too old for me.

On a similar occasion, a man comes up to me in the middle of a set at the Freehouse, shakes my hand, and tells me "There is nothing more enticing and stimulating than a woman who plays the bass". Umm... right.

Now these stories aren't really that bad. These guys are more than annoying than anything, but last week at Lydia's I met a guy who creeped me out so badly that I have been having dreams about it all week. So heres how it went down:

I finish a set and this guy introduces himself as Chris. He is a little older, maybe 35, and during the whole set he was cheering after solos and seemed to really be enjoying the music. After he introduces himself to me he tells me a little about his his Grandfather started the jazz festival. This is descent thing to talk to someone who plays jazz except for the fact that he was a close talker. His face was uncomfortably close to mine. I finish the conversation and go and sit down and visit a friend who informs me that this Chris character showed up to one of his shows, hit on the guitar players mom, and then proceeded to tell everyone about how he wanted to shoot his girlfriend. Nice.

So the night continues and my friend leaves, which was a little disapointing because I never got to say bye and I wanted to hang out. We finish playing, this Chris guy talks to me a couple more times, and all conflict and awkward situations are diverted. I leave thinking that I have avoided him. I then decide to walk to Vangeli's down the street from Lyd's to go see if my friend is there.

I get there and my friend is not there, so I turn around to leave and I hear someone call out my name. I turn around and it is Chris. He asks if I want to have a smoke. I tell him no and that I'm going home for the night, and I'm not feeling to well. He gets a little offended and asks me to just visit him when he has a smoke. I decline, and keep walking away from him. He then starts to tell me about how he was mad that I couldn't even give him the time of day, and that he just wanted five minutes. I tell him that I saw him at Lydia's and he listened to me play music all night, so really I wasn't avoiding him. Now, my friends, this is where I get slightly disturbed. He then says "You didn't play music for me all night, you played music for everyone. You just need to play music for me. How can you do that. I just want you to play music for me". It was all very Criminal Minds-esque when the serial rapist is about to attack his next victim. I backed away slowly, told him goodbye, got around the corner and ran like hell.

This actually scares me. Today is Sunday, so I really hope he doesn't return for Part II.

I will continue to share my ridonkulus stories of my life as a freak magnet, and give you an update on Chris "You need to play music just for me" whateverhislastnameisIdon'twannaknow.

Cool New Experiences

2006-05-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

Today I learned to cook chicken. I know that sounds really lame and I'm sure that most of you wonderful people can cook chicken already, but I never knew how. This is just one of the many other interesting, yet minor, things I have experienced since moving out. This move has been pretty awesome. Pretty empowering, and pretty dang exciting.

Our place is great so far. Except we don't have a couch. We won't get one until the third roommate moves in on the 15th. Other than that I love it here. I stole a yield sign on Wednesday and now its hanging up on the wall as well as many other musical things like drums, and a drum practice pad. We also have a pretty sweet photograph of Miles Davis. It's nice living with other musicians because you all want to decorate the same... music themed!

Sleeping in my bed in a new room was pretty wierd. Good wierd though. I've been sleeping really well. We definatley aren't settled but we are close. It's super exciting.

The only thing that is kind of lame is Yvonne. She is the lady that lives downstairs and does shift work. Yes, shift work. So we are having to be very careful of what we do when shes sleeping. Luckily, she gives us a scheduale so we know exactly when shes working/sleeping and everything but its hard to remember there is a person downstairs when you aren't used to it.

Anyway, thats as far as things go with the house. It's super exciting and everyone will have to come and see it, its wonderful.

I will write more later, right now I am off to 2nd ave grill for some Michael Jackson MARTINIS!!! HECK YEA!

song of the day: Dream Girl- Dave Matthews Band

False Alarm

2006-05-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight will actually be my last sleep in my own bed. The carpets took a little longer to dry than expected so we decided to give it the night. So tomorrow at 9 a.m. I will be movinnnnn' out! If anyone wants to come and visit, just let me know and I will give you the address!!

I would also like to introduce to you my new pet fish, Fabio Beso. He lives in my blog. And he is hot. And he has a sexy name.

Other than my new fish, and moving out tomorrow nothing is really new. I havn't heard from "friend" who thought it would be a good idea to start crying. I actually think its a really halarious situation now. I hope he doesn't cry that easily all the time. I would hate for him to be in the middle of a concert, break a string and start bawling.

Back to business though... one more sleep!! 12 more hours!! I will try to keep this updated as much as I can over the next couple of weeks too. I don't know when I will get internet at my new place. Hopefully I will get it soon so I can keep updating and posting on this crazy blog. Truth be told that its kind of replaced my daily journal that I kept for so many years.

Anyway, I must tend to some laundry, and then turn into bed.

gooooodnight, lovers!

song of the day: Moving- Supergrass

The Last Sleep

2006-05-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

"One more sleep" has finally arrived. I move out tomorrow and this is the last night I will ever be spending in my room. Except tomorrow it won' t be mine. I won't live in my house anymore. I will have a new house. I will be away from my parents, my brother, and my dog. I won't have to awnser to anyone.

In one more sleep I will officially be an adult. I will have no one to awnser to but myself. I will have responsibilities. I will pay rent. I will buy my own food. I will pay for my own internet. Tomorrow I am officially independant.

The majority of my stuff is in boxes... in the middle of my bedroom. It actually looks like I am moving out now. Yesterday it still seemed like a fantasy. All of my things were untouched. I hadn't packed anything yet. But today... boxes. Large ones. Packed to the top (thanks Haji!).

This is the most bizarre feeling ever. I feel like I want to be sad about it. Sad because I am leaving my parents and my dog and my room and my brother and my life. Tomorrow I officially grow up. I feel like I should be in mourning because of it. But I am not. I am excited.

I can just picture my first night now... me crying... in bed because I am so sad and lonley and wierded out by my new house. New sounds... new room. Wierd.

Holy shit. I can't even organize my thoughts right now. I really can't. It is very overwhelming.

One more sleep... starting now.

My Dream turned out to be a Nightmare.

2006-04-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

I had a little episode last night with the guy I talked about in my last blog, dream* boy. It was definatley worthy of a Sex and the City episode, or maybe America's Funniest Home Videos depending on the way you look at it. In fact, it was more of a nightmare than a dream. And I am posting about it because I am confused about it. I want to laugh about it, but then I realize that I would be laughing at my own and silly, silly life. This story is definatley a forehead slapper... so much, in fact, that I am up before noon and am listening to a Backstreet Boys CD(!??)

Anyway, as you all know, I have kind of been seeing this guy. We were kind of together before, but for many reasons it just wasn't working out, so I started dating Luke. Now that Luke and I are definatley in the past, dream boy are on again... sort of. I say sort of because I didn't really know. I know we both like eachother, and we were considered "seeing eachother", whatever that means, but I really wasn't satisified with this. I was already at the point where I was wanting to define an undefined relationship. I was also getting pretty annoyed with him because he was a cocky shit all the time.**

Last night I went out to visit a great friend at work and we decided we'd go to Lydia's afterwards. I called dream boy to let him know that I would be going and he could show up if he wanted. He did show up, and so did his drunk sister, who is actually my brothers age, and very cool. Anyway, we listened to the band and I mostly danced with Gillian. Last call comes and goes and its time to leave. I tell dream boat I would drive him and his sister home and he asks if I want to come to his house and split a bottle of wine. I sure do! So I drive Gillian home and we all head to his house.

We get there, visit with his sister, and then decide to watch one of my favorite movies, Amelie. Its late (or early, depending on which way you look at it), and we drink wine and sit and its lovely, except we are both in a talky mood, and I am still a little pissed that he told me jazz was just two fives, so I decide I'm going to talk to him about what was bugging me; mainly the bragging and the undefined relationship.

I bring it up, and things kind of got out hand from this point on, and since I am suffering from black outs (not from drinking, but from utter confusion) I can't remember it very clearly. But I do remember this: he started crying.

I was so confused. I guess a little harsh when I talked about the bragging thing. I told him that he was brilliant and I thought he was an amazing musician, but that I felt like he was trying to one up me all the time. Also menetioned the whole "what the hell is this relationship" thing and I guess my confusion was nothing compared to what he was feeling. His response is apparently to cry. In all fairness to me, I don't think he was crying just because I decided to attack him at that point in time but it was more than that.

He started saying how hes wanted to be a band leader his entire life because hes always a sideman, and he seemed genuinely stressed out. But I was just confused. So confused. I am so confused. I am a horrible, horrible person to make someone cry. And I was supportive and I told him I thought he was brilliant and that he was a great musician. I tried everything but he was upset. So I just ran away. I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and he said yes. And then he said he was sorry and wasn't sure what was going on. I told him I was confused and not to bother coming to Lydia's Sunday to see me. Not because I was trying to be mean, but because I thought that was what he wanted to hear. Utter confusion. I left. It was 6 am.

I called him this morning and apologized, but obviously that didn't go as I would have liked it to over the phone. I got all nervous and wanted to talk about everything, but obviously, not a phone conversation. I told him I would like it if he came to Lydia's. He won't come. I know he won't. I can't believe this happened. What the hell!?

So please, I beg of you, what the hell am I supposed to do now!? Do I just let it go and forget it happened? Continue living as if this was just another pothole in the city of Saskatoon? Or should I actually stop and fix it before it wrecks the suspension of my van? I like this guy, but I totally shot him off his horse. Wow. I am truly a piece of work, and I really don't know how I am supposed to fix this halarious, halarious sad mess that I have created for myself. So post comments, or better yet, call my cell phone. This is so ridiculous. I can't even believe it. And the horrible part is that I still think its kind of funny. Damn this horrible thing called my sense of humor.

Anyway, I have a rehersal to go to, so I leave you with this thought of the day:

The Backstreet Boys is to me what the The Bay City Rollers were to my Mom. Savage Garden is to me what Styx were to my Mom.

There is a fine line between the two bands. Just as there is a fine line between constructive criticism and just plain old criticism. If anything, I hope you were able to get a chuckle out of my unfortunate lack of judgement. I know I'll be laughing about this one for awhile.

*Only referred to as "dream boy" because he wrote a song called "dream". I do NOT have a dream boy, he hasn't arrived yet.

**Refer to last post.

Dream, dammit!

2006-04-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, so those of you who know me well know that I love to analyze music and lyrics like a motherfucker. I listen to the songs a billion times, write down the lyrics, and think about how it makes me feel. My emotions could really go either way, but I always find that after I think about the lyrics and the chord structures, the song becomes way more personal to me. I guess its theraputic in a way and helps me to deal with issues in my life, good and bad, head on.

Tonight I stayed in, and have been listening to music. The same song for about half an hour now and I have really been thinking about this one. This song is special in a way. It's written by a local singer/songerwriter who I know quite well. "Quite well" as in we were kind of seeing eachother for awhile. I thought we would end up dating, but it never happened. He was too busy and we just lost contact... until last week when I ran into him Lydia's.

So here is the deal: we have hung out a few times lately, and he's great. But he brags. It is always like he is trying to one up me musically. There has barely been a single conversation that hasn't revolved around his bass, or touring, or how "jazz is all two fives". I cannot believe he told me that jazz is mostly two fives. That really pissed me off. Jazz is a helluvalotmore complex than two fives, let me tell you! He doesn't even play jazz! We aren't in any type of competition with eachother either because we play completley different genres of music. So his bragging leads me to believe either one of two things:

a) He really does feel the need to be better than me and truly does think he is a much better musician than I am.

b) I scare the shit out of him and he feels the need to impress me by talking himself up musically every two fuckin' seconds.

Me being the optomist I am definatley am going with choice b...

Which brings me back to my passion for music analysis. I have been listening to one of his particular songs for about an hour now. It is really well written. All of it. But he will not impress me by bragging about his musical accomplishments 24/7. I guess musicians are less impressive when you are a musician yourself. I want to date a person, not a musician, and I would hope he feels the same. However, if he could be everything to me in his song that he wrote called "dream", now that, my friends, would truly be impressive.

Dream
Look between the silver lines
of the trees I don't mind trying this out for you
if you ask me to
I'll look high and i'll look low
tell you anything you'd like to know
its not where we've been
but where we go

So let me lay you down
Let me me lay you down
let me lie there next to you
and dream

Until the morning through the night
through bad and good we'll be alright
if we just let go of what we think we know

if you want to set the bar
i'll jump wtih you through the stars
and back again to where we begin

so let me lay you down
let me lay you down
let me lie down next to you and dream
let me lay you down
let me lay you down
let me lie there next to you and dream

let me lay you down
let me lay you down
let me lie there next to you and dream

let me lay you down
let me lay you down
let me lie there next to you and dream
the same dream
the same dream

"Pass the kleenex box, please"

2006-04-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

Gotta love allergy season. Here I am on a Friday night blowing my nose every five seconds when I'm supposed to be at the always classy Overdrive with Karen. Lovely way to spend a Friday night.

Anyway, I'm gearing up for a very few hectic days. I will be moving out of my house, or my parents house rather, on Monday or Tuesday. That feels so wierd to say that. And I havn't even started packing yet. Also the entire contents of my closet, which is lying on the floor, needs to be washed. This is a huge step. I think I'm ready to take it.

That is all. I hope you had an awesome time givin'r at the ol' OD tonight, Karen.

Night

The Perfect Ending.

2006-04-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

It has been about a year since I got hooked on Sex and the City. I realize that this was a little late, considering the sixth season had already come and gone, and generally most people had either seen an episode or five, if not the all of the seasons. I did not though due to the lack of the tv channel that it aired on in my house. Finally a friend introduced me to the show and I got hooked.

The show soon became my favorite and I decided I would have to see them all from start to finish. Of course I would never be able to do this all at once, but every couple of months I would go rent a season on dvd and watch it... usually accompanied by a bag of chips and a pot of chamomile tea. It became a little tradition that I shared with myself, and today I just finished watching the sixth and final season.

I love the show for several reasons. The writing of the show is very smart and I find it terribly funny and witty. But to say that the show is just humorous would only be scratching the service. What makes the show so wonderful is the honesty it uses when approaching personal relationships. Over six seasons you see the characters experience love and heartache, sickness and loss, and you watch them as they make their next big move. It is such a popular show because it is so relatable.

Now I may never be able to experience the feeling of buying a $400 pair of Manolo shoes, live in New York and sleep with a bunch of men but that doesn't matter. It isn't about the specifics. It is about things that you experience everyday in your life. Love. Loss. Heartbreak. Friendship. I know what it feels like to love someone. I know what it feels like to lose someone. I know how it feels to be vulnerable. The details aren't important.

So, of course, I thought the ending was fabulous and closed the series up nicely. Everyone were in their own comfortable place. Everyone had their personal lives in order and everything was as it should be. But what I liked most about the way the series ended was that it really paid tribute to one of the greatest and toughest personal relationships one experiences in life; the relationship that must be healthy in order to have everything else fall into place. The relationship that you have with yourself.

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
- Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)

Now You Know Your ABC's... of Teegan!

2006-04-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

[A is for age/availability:] 20, and single
[B is for best sport/booze of choice:] Lacrosse or hockey, and Sleeman Honey Brown beer
[C is for career/celebrity crush:] Musician and I have a few celebrity crushes... mainly John Mayer, Ryan Adams, Jason Lewis aka Smith on Sex and the City
[D is for your dad's name:] Steve
[E is for essential item you use everyday/easiest person to talk to:] deoerant, and Mama Gillian
[F is for favorite song at the moment/color:] Movin- Supergrass, and red
[G is for games:] Monopoly
[H is for Hometown:] Saskatoon
[I is for instruments you play:] Double/electric bass, piano, voice, guitar, flute
[J is for juice:] Fruit punch
[K is for kids/kind of music:] Don't want kids ever, and I like pretty much any genre
[L is for longest car ride/last hug:] 22 to Yellowknife, and my last hug was today a couple hours ago
[M is for marriage:] Definatley not any time soon
[N is for number of siblings:] 1
[O is for overnight hospital stays/one wish!:] Was in the hospital for two weeks when I had heart surgery and I have many wishes.
[P is for phobia:] Moths, Spiders, and Grasshoppers in that order.
[Q is for QUOTE:] "With all its sha, drudgery, and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy" -Desiderata
[R is for regret/reason to smile:] I have no regrets and I many many reasons to smile because I have lots to be thankful for.
[S is for song you last heard:] The very annoying "hands in my pocket" song from the commercial, unfortunatley.
[T is for time you woke up:] 12:16
[U is for underwear:] Depends on the day.
[V is for vegetable you love/hate:] Corn on the cob, brussel sprouts
[W is for worst habit:] Nail biting.
[X is for x-rays you've had:] Hmmm interesting questions. Probably over 20 for sure.
[Y is for yummy food you make:] I make a mean mac and cheese.
[Z is for zodiac sign:] Aquarius.

Joyspring!

2006-04-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

"Spring is my joy!"

This week is probably going to be very crazy but I am very excited. I love spring because it is a new beginning after a long and cold Saskatchewan winter.

Last night I played my very first open stage by myself. Just me, my bass, and my voice. It was terrifying but at the same time very liberating and a great experience. I only played two songs, but that was definatley enough. My family showed up so it was very nice to have them there to support me.

After I played at the open stage I had Sunday Night Jazz at Lydia's. Yesterday in the afternoon the band actually had a rehersal, so last night was tight. Everyone played great and we all had a lot of fun together. The usual crowd was there and lots of new faces too. Our friend Jake also started spinning vinyl during our set breaks. It added so much to the evening it was wonderful.

Another great thing about Lydia's last night was that the "Ness Creek People" showed up. AKA: the people who have the powerful to hire or not to hire the band at one of the hippest (or should I say hippiest) arts festival in Saskatchewan. They treated out set like an audition, and they were super impressed. They said we will proably get an opening spot for the mainstage on the Friday or Saturday night. That is HUGE. I am very excited.

Another huge thing that is coming up in exactly one week is me moving out. This week will be full of packing, and figuring out what stuff we are going to need for the new place. It is wierd to think that in one week, my house won't be my home and I will be sleeping under a new roof. My roof. I am a little anxious about it and a little sad, but mostly I'm just EXCITED! It will proably be really hard for my parents too, but I think they understand that I need to experience living by myself for a little while and grow as a person. I am really going to miss my pathetic Roxi though. She crawls into bed with me every morning. I will miss that.

So lots of exciting news, and some very big steps to be taken in the next week. Spring is beautiful!!

What Kind of Elitist Are You?

2006-04-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

I ripped this quiz off of someones blog *cough*Henry and Shawn's*cough* and I thought I would see what type of elitist I was. I'm sure you won't be suprised at the results, especially the part where it says I sing louder than the radio and compare everything to a "freaking song". The only thing that seemed a little off was that I rock the kareoke like nobody's business!

http://www.quizilla.com/users/thebecca/quizzes/What%20Kind%20of%20Elitist%20Are%20You%3F

"Music Provenu

Your CD collection is almost as big as your ego, and you can most likely play an instrument or three. You're a real hit at parties, but you're SO above karaoke.What people love: You're instant entertainment. Unless you play the obo.What people hate: Your tendency to sing louder than the radio and compare everything to a freaking song."

Probably a fair analysis, but they spelled "obo" wrong. Idiots.

420 Enlightenment

2006-04-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

As most of you proably already know, today was the official day for marijuana consumption, 420! And what a beautiful 420 it was. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, no clouds, and no wind. The perfect spring day in Saskatoon.

I don't smoke pot, but lots of my friends make a big deal out of this day, so I definatley knew about it. But this morning I woke up this morning with such bad stomach pains that I didn't even realize that it was 420. I stayed in bed hoping the pain would stop until as long as I possibly could, but at one I had to get up to go to a rehersal. I get ready, brush my hair, load up my bass in my car and head downtown to Knox United. As I get out of my car and unload my bass I small something very famliar. Pot.

Yup, it was definatley 420 because someone was celebrating very close by.

My rehersal finishes about an hour later, and the smell is gone now, and I continue on with my day. I go pick up my friend Jillian and we head down to the river to get a lemonade and go for a walk.

So we are walking with our delicious lemonade behind the bess hotel and sure enough, we can smell it again, and sure enough there is a man smoking a joint not to far away from us. We continue walking down by the river, the smell clears for about two minutes, and then we could smell it again. Keep on walking, air clears, and oh! There it is again! This happened throughout our entire walk. Which got us to talking.

Why is it called 420? Both of us have heard a countless number of lame myths about the origin of this uhh tradition? Holiday? Well, whatever. Anyway, we decided we would need to find this out in order to sleep well tonight. Maybe this will clear up a few questions you were having as well. So here ya go. Straight from one of the greatest sites on earth, Wikipedia:

"In American culture, the number 420 (pronounced four-twenty) relates to the consumption of cannabis and elements of its associated culture. The exact origin of the term is unknown. Marijuana users gather on April 20 every year to celebrate and consume marijuana.

Accepted origin
Snopes.com, High Times magazine, The Marijuana-Logues, and The Straight Dope claim that in the early 1970s, a group of teenagers at San Rafael High School in San Rafael, California used to meet every day after school at 4:20 p.m. to smoke marijuana at the water tower. One piece of evidence supporting an origin of the term from the time 4:20 is the fact that the number is always said "four twenty". This theory is also the most cited, and the most widely-accepted.

Other plausible suggested origins
*Marijuana grew wild on or near Highway 420 in Ontario in the 1960s. Whether or not this is true, Highway 420 is the location for an annual legalization protest every April 20th.
*At some American junior or senior high schools, "after-school detention" ends at 4:20. Thus 4:20 signifies the time when the detainees are finally free to smoke after the school day.
*The term could have possibly come from H. P. Lovecraft's "Within The Walls of Eryx" which contains the line, "My route must have been far from straight, for it seemed hours before I was free of the mirage-plant's pervasive influence... When I did get wholly clear I looked at my watch and was astonished to find that the time was only 4:20." This theory for the origin of 4:20 was first postulated on the official website for the rock band Tool.
*An ounce of marijuana going for $300, sold gram by gram (at $15), equals $420."

Interesting, hey? I was one of those people who thought the Bob Marley died on April 20th, but that isn't correct at all. Bob Marley actually died on May 11. Knowledge is power.

Hopefully that enlightened you as much as it did me, and whatever you chose to do today, cannabis related or not, it was definatley a beautiful day in Saskatoon.

Revelation

2006-04-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

I just realized that as much as these songs remind me of Luke, they are my own. I like them because they are the soundtrack to my life, not his. Luke just happened to be part of the soundtrack for awhile. These songs are mine. They just happened to be relevant in my life at the same time Luke was relevant. There is a difference though.

The only difference between the two is that unlike good music, Luke didn't stand the test of time.

The "Ouch" Playlist

2006-04-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

It has to be done. It is not going to pleasant and it definatley won't be pretty. But it needs to be done because today on numerous occasions I heard a song that reminded me of Lucas and it was painful. So I made a playlist. It is called the "Ouch" playlist and it contains all of the songs that remind me of him in some way or another. There are 54 songs, which is not a lot at all, considering I could have included entire albums.

Now one might ask the obvious question. Why would someone want to inflict this pain and torture on themself?

Well, as all of you know, I am a very musical being. Everyday there is a new soundtrack to my life. The songs of "Ouch" are all ones that I love dearly, and Luke and I just ended up making memories to them. And there are so many memories and we listened to so much music together. I need to do this because facing the pain is crucial. I don't need to be dealing with this three months later when I hear a song that reminds me of him. I need to get this out of the way when the emotions are still fresh. I have always been a person that likes to deal with things head-on. So this is it. Musical-break-up-therapy.

It is quite an interesting little adventure I have got myself into. All of the songs have different memories, and some of them are way harder to listen to than others. Jason Collett reminds me of playing chess and drinking red wine together. This certain Feist song reminds me of the beginning of our relatioinship when we were both so crazy about eachother and I made him listen to the song over and over in my van. And Jeff Buckley reminds me of the end.

The end... its hard to believe its over.

So, if you will excuse me, I have a date with misery... but just for tonight.

Song of the Day: A few of the "Ouch" list favorites of course!

It Won't Be Long- Jason Collett
The Mast- Feist
You Came Along- Joel Plaskett Emergency
Forget Her- Jeff Buckley
To Be Along With You- Sufjan Stevens

the end.

2006-04-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

Post secret is a great little site that has gotten a little bit of following lately, including myself. Basically, people just send in their secret on some type of postcard or art and it gets put up on the site. Every Sunday new secrets are posted. Most of the time I can't relate to most of the secrets, because they are personal, but two of last weeks were alarmingly relevant in my life with a current relationship I was involved in.

Anyway, the breakup happened on Saturday night. And these two post secrets can pretty much sum up what happened quite nicely. Except there was only one girl that screwed him up. His ex girlfriend that he dated for three years. They have been broken up for about a year and a half and she still has a huge hold on him in a way that I can't even imagine.

And that wasn't even the huge issue. The huge issue was that he was being very distant as of late and I needed to talk to him about it, which is good, right? In relationships you need to address something if its bothering you. You can fight it out, or just agree to fix it. Luke just thought it would be easier to break up because he "wasn't being fair to me". Naturally I tried to change his mind, but soon realized that wasn't going to happen and this needed to be finished.

The sad thing is that we would still be dating if I would have kept my mouth shut.

But why should I have to keep my mouth shut? I'm glad I spoke up, and instead of being sad and upset because I liked him, I'm madder than hell. Especially yesterday when he owed me 30 dollars and had my chess board. I had to go to his house and get them. I was so bitchy. And he deserves it.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." ~Author Unknown

Go to postsecret.blogspot.com

This is a new beginning, dammit!

Annoying Chain Letter Blog

2006-04-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

This was emailed to me. It was in a chain letter sort of format, which I hate. You know the ones that say "email this to ten of your friends and you will find a guy who meets all of these qualifications in 24 hours exactly" or some stupid garbage like that. So, I figured I would post it on my lovely little blog... maybe then I will only have to wait two hours instead of 24.

"Find a guy..
Who calls you beautiful instead of hot..
Who wants to spend every minute of the day with you..
Who calls you up when he is thinkin of you..
Who isnt afraid to say i love you..even infront of his friends..
Who calls you back when you hang up on him..
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep..
Wait for the guy..
Who kisses your forehead..
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats..
Who holds your hand in front of his friends..
Wait for the one..
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you..
Who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."
The one who doesn't care about what others say.. he just wants to be with you..
The one who treats you like a person..
The one who can always make you smile..
The one who makes you feel safe when he holds you..
The one who will always be there for you no matter what..
The one who says HE is lucky to have YOU"

Can I have my cake and eat it too? Or should this be a checklist... like say if he does five of these things hes worth dating for a little bit, and if he checks over ten... well then! Hes a keeper! This list is just so general. Of course most girls would hold out for this. But would they be looking for something unattainable? These type of lists are so lame.

I wonder if there are lists just like these, but for men.

Something tells me not.

Breakdown, or Break Through?

2006-04-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

I finally broke down last night. It was horrible. I was hanging out with Luke and we were playing chess and drinking wine and it was all fine and good, but it still felt like we were both distant and off in other lands. We hadn't seen eachother all week, and he was whining (his words, not mine!) about being tired so I left so he could sleep. I get about two steps out the door and just break down, and I get in my car and start to drive and listen to music.

I drive home, and then I drive around even more because I don't feel like going inside. It seems like all the pressure of the day, and the pressure were weighing on me so much that I just had to let it out. So I'm letting it all out. And its good. Except I still feel upset about the night because... I don't really know why. It just seems like hes so distant. And I was feeling distant because he was feeling distant and there was this big lump of confusion in my chest. I pick up my phone. I put in Luke's number. All I have to do is push call. And I drive around for ten minutes more.

I finally push call and the number rings. It had only been about 20 minutes since I left his house. He wasn't sleeping yet. Good. He hears me crying and obviously, thats going to make him super uncomfortable. He has only seen me cry once, and it was a controlled cry. Not a breakdown. So hes uncomfortable, and I'm upset, and he apologizes for being distant and I say you don't have to apologize, and now, instead of just pressure and confusion present, there this new uncomfortable vibe in the mix. A quiet one.

Is anything resolved? Does anything really need to be resolved? No. Not really. I was just upset. And today, I feel a little silly about it. But a little better. Its sort of in limbo right now. It could go either way. Showing emotion could be good, or could be bad. It could help with the relationship. Or else he could be freaked out and run away. But I couldn't just keep it in anymore. Any of it. All of it. I don't even know what it was but something was bugging me about well, everything, and I couldn't deal with it. There is no right or wrong awnser when it comes to human emotion. Especially women.

So now there is this like awkward morning after thing where I don't know what he thinks, I don't know if hes freaked out or if its not a big deal. I guess, either way, he knows how I felt. But I really hope I didn't freak him out.

Oh, this is kind of a mess. Maybe I'm just blowing it out of proportion? I hate it when there is no right or wrong awnser. And I hate showing that much emotion. I hate being that vulnerable. It makes you an easy target.

I think I'll just chalk it all up to PMS.

The Next Big Step

2006-04-14T16:56:00.000-07:00

I'm moving out. I was excited about two minutes ago, and now I'm getting super anxious. But the deposit is already in and I'm committed to it.

Funny thing was that I was really excited about it until I saw my dog. I love my dog. I will miss her. I wish I could take her with me. How is moving out going to change things with my brother? and my parents?

I hope I made the right decision.

Teegan's Official Asshole Award

2006-04-14T02:26:00.000-07:00

The Asshole Award is presented to ignorant individuals who show outstanding achievement in one of more of the following catagories:

a) Annoying persons
b) Mean persons- also includes rude, obnoxious, greedy, selfish, bad tempered, disagreeable, dishonorable, evil, formidable, hard, malicious, nasty, sour, unfriendly, unpleasant, abrupt, abusive, bad-mannered, crabby, inconsiderate, impolite, intrusive, uncultured, uncivilized, racist, vulgar, insolent, cruel, creepy, cantankerous, churlish, contentious, difficult, cross, grouchy, ill-natured, offensive, bothersome, damned, malevolent, ornery, pesky, spiteful, vicious, pretentious, snobbish, conceited, fake, demanding, bossy, audacious, cocky, cold, disdainful, know-it-all, smug, snooty, snippy, snotty, stuck-up, vain(you proably think this song is about you), brash, careless, discourteous, intolerant, reckless, tactless, thoughtless, and/or corrupt beings
c) Insensitive persons
d) All of the above

I am proud to present the first Asshole Award to a guy who I like to call "The dick in the red shirt who punched my water glass intentionally at Lydia's".

This man is the proud recipient of my esteemed award because he actually punched my glass of water. Who does that?! And then when I firmly told him to stop it he mocked and verbally abused me in front of my friend.

A true gentleman.

Decisions, Decisions

2006-04-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

I wish I could go to sleep but my stomach is in knots, just as it was this morning. I have never felt so anxious or pressured in my life. I can feel it in my back, my jaw, my arms, my fingers, and in my heart. It seems as though five million issues came up all at once and need to be solved immidiatley.

Okay, so maybe not five million. But there are few very important decisions to be made so it really does feel like five million. My stomach just groaned in approval. Lovely.

My first "issue" is a simple yes or no question. Unfortunatley, its not that simple. I need to decide soon if I am going to hop a cruise ship and work as a musician for three months. Now, this sounds like it should be easy. I know more people that I can count on my fingers and toes that would take that opportunity in second. I, on the other hand, would find it very hard to pick up and just leave. I would be leaving my family, my bands, my friends, my dog... the list is never ending. Of course it would be amazing to travel and get paid for it, but I don't know if I am ready for it. Last night I decided that I would brainwash myself to do it, so when I went to sleep I said over and over "I will go on a cruise, I will go on a cruise, I will go on a cruise, etc". I thought this would be a brilliant plan. Unfortunatley I woke up with jabbing pains in my stomach and then got sick. Awesome. If only it were a simple yes or no question.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately would be another huge step, but one that I would be more willing to take. Movin' out. There is an amazing opportunity to move in with two great friends and musicians in a very central area. It would be fantastic, and it would be a great learning experience. But I need to find a job.

I can't find a job. I have applied everywhere. I was certain I would get a couple but all of them fell through much to my dismay. If I can't find a job, I can't move out, and I won't be able to pay back my parents the shitload of money I owe them for dropping out of school. Fantastic.

And now, just to top it all off, I have a personal relationship "issue" with someone who I think I am starting to really fall for. Usually this would thrill me, but right now its tearing me up inside. The worst part about it is that I don't know if its just me. I could be making a big deal out of something and blowing it out of proportion. But what if it really is that bad. I mean its bad enough that I can't sleep, and that emotionally I feel somewhere along the lines of oh, lets see... garbage.

I know that space is good in a relationship and that too much time together can be a bad thing. I know its good to be with your friends and not forget about them. I know you don't have to call as soon as you get a chance. I know that you can be friends with an ex. I know that "couple time" doesn't have to be every single night of the week. I know that people get busy with work. And, most importantly, I know that when you are in a relationship, it doesn't have to run your life. But where do you draw the line? And, more importantly, how do you know when someone has crossed it?

Song of the Day
The Hardest Part- Ryan Adams

Love and Chess

2006-04-12T00:04:00.000-07:00

Picture this if you will:

I am bored out of my mind so I start randomly exploring blogs on blogspot just trying to pass time. Of course I am not finding anything very interesting, which is to be expected when reading things about peoples life you don't know. Sooo anyway, I randomly come across this blog and it starts ranting about how being a teenager is easy compared to the phase in which we are all stuck in right now- young adults. It was a great rant, so I keep reading.

So I'm reading and reading and her rant finishes and she starts a new paragraph on a totally different topic. This topic being marriage. Now, love is interesting anyway you look at it. It can cause so much happiness but it can also put you in complete agony in a matter of seconds... so naturally, I keep reading. She explains how she believes marriage is the number one cause of divorce, which is true. Then she explains how too many people see dating as a path to marriage, and that she doesn't believe in that. I am skeptical of her theories, until I read this:

"Well because I don't believe that dating is a direct path to marriage, but more of a game of snakes and ladders or chess. You learn from your mistakes and apply that knowledge to your next big move. Some of your pawns, rooks or knights may get picked off but these are the sacrifices you make. Doesn't mean those pieces weren't helpful altogether. Who knows, perhaps that one white knight helped you take down half of the board. He may not make it to the end, but it was still worth having that piece in the game. And when it comes down to it, the last piece you want standing is that king."

I think she is a smart cookie, whoever she is. It is interesting that there is such a high divorce rate in this day and age. It seems that she may have a point with her notion of not believing in the expectation of dating leading to marriage. I mean, obviously, one day along the line, marriage could happen, but her whole idea of this "dating to marry" is that people rush into it. It seems that people do it because its available and there is a pressure to get married in society. It seems that people are willing to say "I do", before they can truthfully, truthfully mean and understand "I love you" with all of their heart.

What happened to dating someone because they make you feel good and you like spending time with them? The only expectation that you have is that you show up for your date on Saturday. The only expectations that you have are the ones that you have discussed together in an open and honest dialouge. There are no guessing games, and there are no assumptions because everything is already layed out on the table for both of you.

As far as our little game of chess goes, playing a million games of chess, kissing goodbye a million shy pawns, creative rooks, knights in shining armour, and even a few queens would pale in comparison to losing the one that mattered the most, the King, just because I thought I could have it all in the first game.

listening to right now:
House Where Nobody Lives- Tom Waits

"how do you keep love alive"

2006-04-07T00:26:00.000-07:00

I got my first Backstreet Boys cd when I was in grade five. I loved them dearly, and were the first artists that I invested in not only financially, but also emotionally. I listened to the Backstreet boys for a good four years. They wrote songs about love, and about loss... and about lots of lame things too, but it was relevant to me at that age. I didn't really know what love was, but I knew that I could connect with their music. And I loved Nick Carter.

Around grade ten my tastes started to change, just like many other things in my life. By the time I hit grade eleven, my tastes were completley different. The Backstreet Boys were replaced with a more mature sounding artist, one that I could relate to more now that I was a little older. I fell in love with John Mayer.

I have a very interesting relationship with John Mayer's music... as in, he write songs about me and doesn't even know it. John Mayer comforted me when I needed to be comforted, celebrated with me when I was celebrating, and most of all, cried with me when I feeling sad. Whatever my emotion, he was there right along with me. He never preached, never judged, and was suprisingly comforting. I will carry that with me wherever I go.

So, here I am at the beginning of my twenty's, and I am not the same person I was when I started listening to John Mayer when I was sixteen. Change is constant, but you don't always realize that its constantly going on around you. I knew I had changed when I put Ryan Adams on before John Mayer on a day when I was especially upset. Change is a beautiful thing.

Ryan Adam's music is incredibly personal. Just like John Mayer, Ryan Adam's music can tune into every emotion that I'm feeling, or help me tune out when I need it. If I can't identify with his lyrics, I can identify with the passion in his music. I can feel it. Its soul.

I will leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite Ryan Adams songs. It is off of his album, Cold Roses, with his band "The Cardinals". The lyrics are beautiful, but you need to hear the song. You will cry.

How Do You Keep Love Alive

Lord, I miss that girl
On the day we met the sun was shining down
Down on the valley riddled with horses running
crushing them with flowers I would have picked for her on the day she was born
She runs through my veins like a long black river
And rattles my cage like a thunderstorm
Oh my soul

What does it mean? What does it mean? What does it mean to be so sad?
When someone you love Someone you love is supposed to make you happy
What do you do
How do you keep love alive?
When it won't

What, what are the words they use when they know it's over
"We need to talk," or"I'm confused, maybe later you can come over"
I would've held your mother's hand on the day you was born
She runs through my veins Like a long black river
and rattles my cage Like a thunderstorm
Oh, my soul

What does it mean? What does it mean? What does it mean to be so sad?
When someone you love someone you love is supposed to make you happy
What do you do How do you keep love alive?
When it won't
How do you keep love alive

"I would have held your mothers hand on the day you was born"
Ladies and Gentleman, that is beautiful. That single line is so powerful, and so sincere. Beauty, at its finest.

2006-03-28T00:05:00.000-08:00

This is my pathetic dog Roxi. This picture makes me laugh a lot every time I see it. I love her.

Ipod Fun!

2006-03-27T23:38:00.000-08:00

Ipods can now predict the future! Put your music library on shuffle and answer the questions with songs in the order they come up. it doesn't really make sense at times, but some answers you come up with will freak you out. Actually... its kind of lame, but heck, I'm bored!

1. What's my mood like right now? Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most- Jane Monheit
That is a pretty good representation of how I feel right now... "Doctors once prescribed a tonic/Sulfur and molasses was the dose/Didn't help one bit/My condition must be chronic"

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me? Dreams be Dreams- Jack Johnson

3. What kind of person am I? Back To You- John Mayer
That don't make sense!

4. Am I loved? Burn The Witch- Queens of the Stoneage
OUCH

5. How can I achieve my highest potential? Don't Give Hate a Change- Jamiroquai
sweet... I will work on that!

6. What should I do with my life? Moonchild- Chris Cornell
I think that was a miss rather than a hit.

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end? Grace- Jeff Buckley
True Dat.

8. What is my best quality? Honey, I don't know- Jason Collett
I don't think I like that awnser very much.

9. How does my sex life look? Existentialism On Prom Night- Straylight Run
existentialism
n : (philosophy) a 20th-century philosophical movement; assumes that people are entirely free and thus responsible for what they make of themselves
interesting...

10. What's the meaning of life? There She Goes- Bob Marley and the Wailers
Well, this song is about losing someone you love... I guess we are all screwed.

11. What do people think of me?A flight and a Crash - Hot Water Music ( .....Well that can't be good)

12. Would I make a good catch? Greeting Card Aisle- Sarah Harmer
Well, I like Sarah Harmer, so I'm therefor taking this as a "yes".

13. How crazy am I? Just a Closer Walk With Thee- Sarah Harmer
"let it be, dear Lord, let it be"

14. Will I have a good life in general? I'm the Man who loves you- Wilco
Does that mean I will be loved?

15. Can this (insert person here) ever really love me? Home Life- John Mayer
John Mayer wants to marry me.

16. Can me and every girl out there ever be more than friends? Morning Glory- Tim Buckley
This one doesn't work at all!

17. What's going to happen to me this week? Woody- Hayden
Right...

18. Where will I be a year from now? Blue Moon of Kentucky- Sarah Harmer

19. What is my biggest wish? Cryin' Blues- Charles Mingus
Right, Lets just say that this means I want to meet Mingus' bass. I think that sounds about right.

20. What is the love of my life doing at this very moment? Love This Town- Joel Plaskett
Hopefully that means he'll stick around...

21. How will I die? Run Me Down- The Black Keys
Does anyone else think that is really funny?

22. What will happen after I die? They Also Mourn Who Don't Wear Black- Sufjan Stevens
Creepy...

Well, friends, that was a lovely waste of time, which is okay, because its 2am. I can't sleep. What the hell else am I gonna do? I was listening to music anyway.

Updates... Again

2006-03-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

I realize that I havn't posted on my lovely little blog since, ohh, january... So I thought I should update you on what is new in my life since then. Then maybe after this I'll write a real post about what is on my mind right about now.

Well, since January, I have turned 20. Thats all that is new. Since I have not been in school for awhile, I sleep in until noon, and then I practice if I feel like it, watch Dr. Phil and Oprah. And then make a little supper. Then if I have a gig in the evening I do that. Or else I sit watch tv, or go out. And my room is a mess. That pretty much sums up my life right now. Sad, isn't it?

I have been doing a lot of dreaming though, awake and sleeping.

Some of my awake dreams include moving out. But that would require me getting a job... which is also something I dream about. I have been looking for a job and applying at a lot of random places, but I havn't been hired yet. I'm starting to feel pretty anxious and bored and generally bad sitting at home by myself. I definatley don't enjoy it. Not anymore anyway.

And I worry. I worry about lots of things. I worry about gaining weight. That sounds super lame and superficial... but I don't go to the gym anymore because I am not in school. And the puddles that are outside right now are up to my neck, so I can't start rollerblading yet. And I worry about what I'm going to do with my life, and getting a job, and school, or lack thereof.

So, I'm basically at this point in my life where I'm not doing anything that is making me feel very good. I feel that going back to school in Saskatoon is not for me, but on the other hand, I don't want to leave Saskatoon. I want to get a job, but I'm worried it will interfere with the gigs I play. I want to move out, but I can't unless I get a job. I want to go to the gym, but I can't because I quit school. I would pay for a gym membership, but I can't because I don't have a job.

Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy that I am not in school anymore, but I am needing a change in my life. Because right now I feel like a useless, lazy ass with a messy room and no motivation to do anything about it.

Fantastic.

That is where my life is at right now.

song of the day: Packt like sardines in a crushed tin box- radiohead

Updates... to the point

2006-01-11T23:28:00.000-08:00

Well, since I havn't wrote in awhile I have decided to update... but in point form. Why point form you ask? Because my life, like point form (or jot notes), is unorganized, lazy, and well... proably any other connotation you associate point form with.

- I quit school
- I sleep every day until noon.. or later if I wish
- Christmas was rad... good family time
- I learned to play poker. Bring it.
- I have a new best friend. It is black and most commonly known as an ipod
- I am technically unemployed, but will make almost 1000 bucks in gigs this month
- I grew two inches (JUST KIDDING!)
- I am learning to play electric bass
- I started playing in a new band... we are called "these hands" www.myspace.com/thesehands
- The new Jamiroquai album "dynamite" is amazing
- I will be 20 in less than a month... wierd
- "The Tournament", hands down, is funniest show on tv right now... go cbc!
- I have never felt happier

Good luck in term 2 all!

song of the day: Your thing is a drag- Sharon Jones and the Dapp Kings

A friendly warning

2005-12-28T23:07:00.000-08:00

I would just like to let the little person know who has been threatening to hmm... oh... i don't know... PAINT MY VAN WITH KITCHEN PAINT... will severly S U F F E R if my van (fondly known as "pipsqueak") is touched...

thank you and good evening!

Why chick flicks can be unhealthy

2005-12-28T22:43:00.000-08:00

Alright so this is totally a rant and you can skip it if you want... I will not be offended, but this just has to be said. Especially right this very second.

I just watched Bridget Jones Diary: The Edge of Reason. A very good sequel to the first one. Some of my other favorite "chick flicks" include The Wedding Planner, The Notebook, The Wedding Singer, 10 Things I Hate About You, How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, 50 First Dates, Notting Hill... The list is never ending.

So why are they called chick flicks?

For one, they are all for the most party light-hearted comedies, and may also be considered a romantic comedy. Now what separates the "chick flick"/romantic comedy genre from most comedies is the whole element of romanticism. In these particular movies... The girl always gets the guy... Or the guy always gets the girl. Its a standard that we have all come to love. They are all very predictable and make you feel like love can rule all at the end. This is where I'm finding the danger.

Now tonight, for example, after I finished watching awkward Bridget land the hot guy in a soaking wet dress, with frizzy hair all after ruining his proposal I really felt like love is a powerful thing. I really, truly felt that maybe, just maybe, I could rekindle any type of flame that was left with my ex. Yes, I know how foolish this is because, well... IT'S JUST A MOVIE.

These movies, which I will always love no matter what, are dangerous because they can create a false hope for something that never will be again. In the movies the guy always gets the girl, even after they break up and get back together and break up and get back together... and you get the point. But the problem is that life isn't like a fairy tale. Think about your childhood. Many of us have been watching Disney movies since before we could talk. Heck, I still love to watch Disney movies! But Disney movies trains us from the time we are little that there are these perfect love stories. Just think of Cinderella.

Love isn't perfect. Think of the divorce rates. They are sky rocketing. There are pre nuptial agreements now... people actually prepare for divorce before they are actually married. It is because people rush into things thinking that just like in Disney, and in Bridget Jones...that (sigh) love is perfect.

This is the ideal that we are constantly faced with in our society. And I am now sitting here, talking to my ex and just "wishin and hopin" that maybe, just maybe, the girl can still win the guy back and live happily ever after.

So how do we fix this mess in a blog? We need to start looking at these movies as a means of entertainment, not some ideal that we are seeking to obtain in life. We need to realize that even though these examples in the movies of true love are possible, love is never perfect and that it will find us when the time is right. As the great John Mayer sang "Good love is on the way". Also go watch "My Best Friends Wedding"... its Julia Roberts and a very refreshing change from the chick flicks we are used to, and remember, its on the way :)

Cheers Darlin'

Song of the day- "Cheers Darlin" - Damien Rice

The best New Years Resolution EVER!

2005-12-18T16:06:00.000-08:00

Well it isn't quite the new year yet but I was thinking that I should start a preliminary list of resolutions that I will try to keep over the next year. Its definatley the time of year for family, spirituality, and of course, self reflection. For me, Christmas holidays is usually the first time where I actually have some down time to stop and think about my life and what I can improve on... and there is always something that can be improved. Through extensive research I have discovered that by just having the one central resolution of "no beer" ones life can be improved extensivley.

So no more beer. As much as I have grown to like the stuff, its gonna start to show. I realize this may be a hard one to fulfill but I am going to try my hardest to not drink the stuff. Bottom line: I'm gonna gain weight if I keep it up.

The next resolution is directly connected to the simple "no beer" resolution, I am going to drink less. By not drinking beer you will drink less. As much fun as it can be, there is mucho moola wasted on it at the bar... and also I won't have to worry about the nights when I drink to much and do/say ridiculous things (just check out www.handsblog.blogspot.com... look under Dr. Teefers... yea...)

Now, if I stay true to these two resolutions some other problems may be eliminated. The first thing that should be solved by this is saving money. I need to start saving money. Much of the money I spend does unfortunatley sometimes go to nights of partying... so this could be solved.

Next on the list is to start going to the gym again. This is also closely connected with the beer issue... for I will replace beer with going to the gym (if some of you remembered I used to go to the gym a lot... but then I replaced it with beer). Now I realize that this is a most likely a very cliche resolution but OH so necessary! By not drinking beer I will then feel motivated to grab carrots to compensate. Fruits and vegtables will be ate on a daily basis and by not drinking beer I will no longer have to feel guilty about the number of carb intake I have in a day.

Now as far as my personal life goes I will try to control my temper. I just read a book that described temper as "the fury". I must control this fury... I can feel it building it me and I need to perhaps find away to tame it before it hurts somebody. Now usually beer could be considered as something that could relax you. You have a couple pints and your problems are magically whisked away, but through not drinking beer you must find different ways to release the fury. Instead of drinking beer to get rid of bad feelings you could go to the gym, practice more, work harder on school... the list goes on!!

So you see, my friends, that beer is linked to every aspect of your life and can create many negative things. By not drinking beer one can grab life by the horns(subliminal dodge/jeep/chrysler advertisement) and take control of their life! By eliminating beer one will not be able to help the transformation that will appear! You will be healthier, hotter, richer, and a more happy person that will be able to control their emotions in constructive ways. By the one simple resolution of "no beer" one will be able to gain control of their life. So just say no!!

Cheers everybody and have a wonderful, non-demoninational and holiday season! Tis the season for love!

-Teegan

Song of the day: My grownup Christmas List- Amy Grant

In my CD player...

2005-12-14T22:04:00.000-08:00

Well, since I'm not yet cool like all of you people with your ipods I will talk about what is in my CD player right now. Finals are now over and its definitely time to start posting again!

Anyway, for some reason lately I have been a bit of a CD fiend. I have found it necessarily to start composing my own "library" of music. So without any further ado and in no particular order, I give you my list of what is good to listen to right now.

1) Damien Rice- O
Okay so I'm not too entirely sure if the title is a number or a letter, but this is a great CD. He write music exactly how I like it: slow and pretty with amazingly agonizing lyrics. The arranging is also really beautiful with a lot of strings and even a clarinet! Check out the songs "Cannonball" and "The Blower's Daughter", but watch out of you are prone to depression. (Just kidding!! If I can handle it, you can handle it!) Bottom line: Simplicity at its finest.

2) Feist- Let it Die
I have no words for how much I love this album. You must experience it yourself. Check out "mushaboom" and "let it die" and "lonely lonely" and... okay, just go check it alll out.

3) Ryan Adams- Gold
This CD will always remind me of summer and the person I spent it with but there is nooo denying either of them so it earns a spot on my list. Rock with a bit of country flavor to it. Check out "Dancing Where the Stars go Blue" and "Answering Bell"

4) Joss Stone- The Soul Session
This lady has an amazing voice and the music is funky. That is why I like it.

5) The Black Keys- The Big Comeup
This is, to me, very bluesy sounding but it has a very garage rock feel to it which is why it is great. Its just drums and guitar but it feels really good. Plus the singers voice turns me on.

6) John Mayer Trio- TRY!
This is definitely a "live in concert" CD and its good ol' John Mayer. I will not state a lot about this other than I love it because we all know what I think about my Johnny.

I would go on with the list but I fear it would be too long. Some other artists though that I also enjoy are Wilco, Amos Lee, Cassandra Wilson, Eva Cassidy, Oscar Peterson, and Jaco Pastorius. All goodies!

Happy Listening!

Song of the day- "cheers darlin" - Damien Rice

Where you'll find me

2005-11-25T18:49:00.000-08:00

So since I haven't posted in awhile I thought I'd just give you a quick idea of where I'm at right now. Its been really crazy busy lately with finishing up the term, gigging, and just generally trying to stay on track.

I have this issue lately with getting shit done that has to be done. My friends, I have become a bonafide slacker. I have always prided myself in generally being a relaxed person, but lately I think its gotten a little out of control. The desire to definitely go to class is long gone and we really only have like a week left, but man, am I ever sick of school. If anyone knows any motivation tricks pleeeeeease let me know.

Not too much else is new... GETTING A NEW BASS. fuck yea... (Sorry I shouldn't swear but that totally deserved a "fuck yea!") Anyway, I have to take a loan out from the bank actually to get it. Its currently on its way from Toronto... more updates on this excited news later!

Well, I am unfortunately lost for words right now. Check out the band The Black Keys. They are superb.

"Peace"

Song of the day- "I'll be your Man"- The Black Keys

Nothing beats...

2005-11-10T14:28:00.000-08:00

To me, there is nothing better than what is on this list.* Ladies and gentleman, I give you "Nothing beats"...

1) My Family. I am truly blessed.

2) My Friends. Even though friends come and go, I have a few special ones that have always stuck around and I am very proud to be able to call them my friends. They have been there through it all.

3) MUSIC. Ummm yes... I can't even begin to describe what music has done for me. Its a release, a hobby, a job, and mostly its just fun.

4) The beauty of being vulnerable and the things you learn about yourself in the process

5) Late family suppers. The ones where you don't eat until like 9 pm and even though you are soo hungry, the family time that happens while you are waiting is always the most enjoyable. Its just nice to enjoy the time you spend together and take your time making supper.

6) Sex and the City nights.

7) Loving and being loved in return.

8) How excited my little dog is to see you when you get home, even if you've only been gone five minutes.

9) A good laugh.

10) The feeling you get when you play a really good solo, or have a good concert, or sing a beautiful phrase.

11) Crawling into bed with chamomile tea and honey with cozy pj's and a good book after a long day.

12) Gramma's homemade noodles

13) The feeling you get when you hear an amazing song for the first time.

14) A good cry.

15) A hot bubble bath.

* Now I totally realize that this list is obviously not going to cover everything that is truly amazing and I know I'm missing a million good things on my list, but we had to keep it short or you would be here forever!

Song of the Day: Love is Blindness- Cassandra Wilson

Let it Die

2005-10-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

Well, with another relationship disaster under my belt and all of the experience that goes along with it, I can only hope to be more "wise" when it comes to these things. For those of you who are fortunate enough to know me well (ha ha) know that this particular breakup was difficult for me.

Now, I am feeling much better since... well, lets not use his name. From now on he will be referred to as "X". Yes, my dear friends, I am feeling much better since my relationship with X tragically ended, but I would be in complete denial if I said that I didn't miss him. The truth is that I miss him a lot. And even though the hurt feelings are not on the surface anymore, I would be lying if I said they weren't there.

So how do you deal with it? Unfortunatley, the only awnsers I seem to get are other questions. One of these questions is how could someone that I care about that much make me feel so bad?

When you like someone a lot you have high expectations for them and when those expectations aren't met I seem to turn to myself. I feel like I really should have known better. Which leads me to yet another question: Was it worth it.

So was it? Ultimately, I found someone that I thought enriched my life... a good friend and someone who I could really laugh and share with. X and I had a lot of fun together and then, sadly, it was over. I haven't talked to X once since the breakup and its been 3 weeks.
So where do you go from here? The way I see it is you don't go anywhere. I have a good friend who's life mantra seems to be "that's life" and when shes dealing with something shitty, this is what comes up. But it is true. This is life. Its just an experience to build and learn from. It is part of the process, and as painful as it can be, its beautiful because it makes you grow. Failed relationships can only be looked at as pointless if there is no growth, therefore what I experienced with X was priceless, hurt feelings or not, and I am a better person for it.

Song of the day: Feist- Let it die

**** I would like to give a special thanks to John Mayer, Feist, Ryan Adams, Eva Cassidy and the many other artists that helped me along the way. I love you all.

2005-10-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

Me and my Baby

Lydia's and my new life plan

2005-10-23T16:47:00.000-07:00

Its Sunday!! Which means its the weekly Lydia's gig for me so I decided that my first blog would be about Lydia's.

It was recently brought to my attention(as of yesterday) that the owners of Lydia's are wanting to make some changes to Lydia's... Evil changes.

Now don't get me wrong... I don't mind change. I'm not always comfortable with it but I can realize that it is an important part of life and its what keeps things interesting. Life would cease to exist as we know it without change. But this is totally different.

The owners want to make Lydia's into a night club... a sleazy meat market where the chicks are as cheap as the booze is and the men are all creeps. There would be no live music and the bands would be replaced with dj's playing top 40 hiphop. And this, my friends, CAN'T HAPPEN.

Lydia's is one of the only places in the city where one can show up alone and listen to live music almost every night of the week... and a lot of times without paying cover. They support live music and on top of that there are great people there. Its diversity is unusual for a pub and I can honestly say I have met some of the most interesting people I know at Lydia's. Its a gem. This is why I refuse to let Lydia's be turned into a meat market and totally sell out.

So I have devised a plan.

I will drop out of school, get a big, fat loan from the bank, make the jerky owners an offer they won't be able to refuse and buy it. Lydia's will be mine and live music will be safe once again and we will all live happily after drinking and being merry and listening to HOT live music at my favorite place in S'toon... Lydia's.