Monday Night Education

I think I need to switch the name of my blog to "Teegan's Late Night Thoughts". It seems the only time that I ever have inspiration to write is after a night at Lydia's, or after a gig. Tonight (and last night) it was at both.

I have been playing at Lydia's a lot lately. I play with my own jazz band every Sunday night, and I also became a part of a rock/pop/country group that plays every Monday night. The guys in the band are Mark, Steve, and Bray, and we all get along great. It is really fun, and really different from most of my other experiences in music, which is usually jazz music. It is a Monday night education in a few genres of music, and it is fun.

Monday nights are amazing, except for one small thing. I am in love with one of the guys in the band, Steve. What is even worse about it is that I know Steve's in love with me too. This would be a really great thing, except he has a girlfriend. She lives in Meadow Lake.

This wouldn't be a problem if Steve and I didn't have this chemistry, but we do. We have this chemistry that I have never experienced with any other person. When we are together, noone else is around, and we end up in our own little world. We will sit and laugh and talk and laugh some more. We are attracted to eachother, and it doesn't just translate in everyday conversation.

It shows when we are onstage. He leans into me when he plays, and I lean into him. I close my eyes when I play and when I open them he is smiling at me. I make fun of him right before he sings so he screws up, and he makes fun of me when I mess up the chords... which is pretty much all the time.

And every week I have to pretend like it doesn't happen. I have to be "professional". I have to turn a blind eye to what is happening, even though there is something between us that noone else will ever be a part of, even his girlfriend. I can meet a wonderful guy and be totally crazy about him, like I was this weekend, and have him be completley erased from my memory on Monday night all because of the chemistry between Steve and I.

I come home on Monday night at two in the morning. I wash my face and brush my teeth. I lay down in my bed and think of the night I just had. I look at the clock, and soon its 3 am. I close my eyes. I think of Steve, and I think of this chemistry.

Steve gets home on a Monday night. He is tired, and has to work early, but he thinks of the night. He thinks of the music, and how it was played. Then he thinks of the girl who stood next to him all night smiling at him. He thinks of how much fun he had with her and how much fun he loves spending time with her. He thinks of me, but then he remembers that he has a girlfriend in Meadow Lake.

And the the cycle repeats itself every Monday, but I can't say anything. I have to be professional, and this is my Monday night education.