I had a little episode last night with the guy I talked about in my last blog, dream* boy. It was definatley worthy of a Sex and the City episode, or maybe America's Funniest Home Videos depending on the way you look at it. In fact, it was more of a nightmare than a dream. And I am posting about it because I am confused about it. I want to laugh about it, but then I realize that I would be laughing at my own and silly, silly life. This story is definatley a forehead slapper... so much, in fact, that I am up before noon and am listening to a Backstreet Boys CD(!??)
Anyway, as you all know, I have kind of been seeing this guy. We were kind of together before, but for many reasons it just wasn't working out, so I started dating Luke. Now that Luke and I are definatley in the past, dream boy are on again... sort of. I say sort of because I didn't really know. I know we both like eachother, and we were considered "seeing eachother", whatever that means, but I really wasn't satisified with this. I was already at the point where I was wanting to define an undefined relationship. I was also getting pretty annoyed with him because he was a cocky shit all the time.**
Last night I went out to visit a great friend at work and we decided we'd go to Lydia's afterwards. I called dream boy to let him know that I would be going and he could show up if he wanted. He did show up, and so did his drunk sister, who is actually my brothers age, and very cool. Anyway, we listened to the band and I mostly danced with Gillian. Last call comes and goes and its time to leave. I tell dream boat I would drive him and his sister home and he asks if I want to come to his house and split a bottle of wine. I sure do! So I drive Gillian home and we all head to his house.
We get there, visit with his sister, and then decide to watch one of my favorite movies, Amelie. Its late (or early, depending on which way you look at it), and we drink wine and sit and its lovely, except we are both in a talky mood, and I am still a little pissed that he told me jazz was just two fives, so I decide I'm going to talk to him about what was bugging me; mainly the bragging and the undefined relationship.
I bring it up, and things kind of got out hand from this point on, and since I am suffering from black outs (not from drinking, but from utter confusion) I can't remember it very clearly. But I do remember this: he started crying.
I was so confused. I guess a little harsh when I talked about the bragging thing. I told him that he was brilliant and I thought he was an amazing musician, but that I felt like he was trying to one up me all the time. Also menetioned the whole "what the hell is this relationship" thing and I guess my confusion was nothing compared to what he was feeling. His response is apparently to cry. In all fairness to me, I don't think he was crying just because I decided to attack him at that point in time but it was more than that.
He started saying how hes wanted to be a band leader his entire life because hes always a sideman, and he seemed genuinely stressed out. But I was just confused. So confused. I am so confused. I am a horrible, horrible person to make someone cry. And I was supportive and I told him I thought he was brilliant and that he was a great musician. I tried everything but he was upset. So I just ran away. I asked him if he wanted me to leave, and he said yes. And then he said he was sorry and wasn't sure what was going on. I told him I was confused and not to bother coming to Lydia's Sunday to see me. Not because I was trying to be mean, but because I thought that was what he wanted to hear. Utter confusion. I left. It was 6 am.
I called him this morning and apologized, but obviously that didn't go as I would have liked it to over the phone. I got all nervous and wanted to talk about everything, but obviously, not a phone conversation. I told him I would like it if he came to Lydia's. He won't come. I know he won't. I can't believe this happened. What the hell!?
So please, I beg of you, what the hell am I supposed to do now!? Do I just let it go and forget it happened? Continue living as if this was just another pothole in the city of Saskatoon? Or should I actually stop and fix it before it wrecks the suspension of my van? I like this guy, but I totally shot him off his horse. Wow. I am truly a piece of work, and I really don't know how I am supposed to fix this halarious, halarious sad mess that I have created for myself. So post comments, or better yet, call my cell phone. This is so ridiculous. I can't even believe it. And the horrible part is that I still think its kind of funny. Damn this horrible thing called my sense of humor.
Anyway, I have a rehersal to go to, so I leave you with this thought of the day:
The Backstreet Boys is to me what the The Bay City Rollers were to my Mom. Savage Garden is to me what Styx were to my Mom.
There is a fine line between the two bands. Just as there is a fine line between constructive criticism and just plain old criticism. If anything, I hope you were able to get a chuckle out of my unfortunate lack of judgement. I know I'll be laughing about this one for awhile.
*Only referred to as "dream boy" because he wrote a song called "dream". I do NOT have a dream boy, he hasn't arrived yet.
**Refer to last post.
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